It's A Small World (One Direction Fan Fiction)

Chapter 9

Oh my god guys I am so sorry. It's been almost a year since the last chapter. I don't know what's gotten into me. I've been spending so much time doing other stuff I completely forgot about wattpadd. I still love you guys <3 I was hoping to finish this book in time for the Wattys but looks like that's not happening taken the last day is tomorrow. Oh well. The more detailed parts basically explain where I was lel.

This chapters a bit short, sorry about that. I'm slowly trying to get back into writing and I just can't write a bunch at a time atm.

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Take my hand, show me the way, we are the children who fell from grace

Take my hand, show me the way, we are the children who can't be saved.

   Months went by. Nothing changed. I'm still my miserable self. Niall, Liam, Harry, Louis and Zayn went back on tour a few weeks ago. Zayn. He never ended up telling me why he left in the first place. Even though I still do wonder at night, I'm slowly getting over it. I'll never be happy if I spend my days mourning and over thinking. The past months were.. interesting to say at the least. Harry and Louis took me places almost every week. Those two are my support beams; I don't know how I'm going to manage without them . I'm scared I'm going to slowly crumble down again. Liam and Niall on the other hand, well, I'm still quite awkward around them. I'm having a hard time feeling like I'm welcome. Whenever I am around them they seem so distant. I leave and they're back to themselves. Well that really boosts my self esteem. Most days I stay in my room until Harry and Lou drag me out. I'd rather be in my room playing League of Legends than be with them to be honest. I'm not exactly up for feeling like a burden. I've been distant from Zayn, too.

   After my little breakdown a few months ago things just went downhill. I didn't want to do anything, let alone get up in the morning. I fell into a dark hole. Every struggle I made to escape pushed me down further. I'm in a battle with my thoughts. It's a war, and I'm sure as hell not winning it. It just never ends. The constant times I'm reminded I'm not wanted, the constant words that pierce my soul. Everything I loved became everything I lost. The only ones who seem to notice are Harry and Louis. Not even Anne or Robin. They've barely been home. They wanted me and the boys to spend time together and get to know my new family. As the boys left, they came back home. I definitively won't be telling anyone though. It's a weigh on my shoulders and I intend to keep it on only my shoulders. No one should feel like they need to help me. I can help myself. I'm alone in this world. I need to be independent. 

                                  *

   "So, we've been thinking. " Robin started. I'm sitting with Anne and Robin in the kitchen. They called me down not too long ago wanting to tell me something. "You recently graduating High School. We need to know if you're planning on taking University courses or not. If you want, you could sign up for next year, meaning you have this year off." The thought of going out with more people scared me. I didn't want to disappoint them though. I don't even know what I want to do with my life anymore. I just want to sleep all day, that too much to ask for?

    There are a few options I had in mind. I would love to take up photography. I mean, that's practically the only productive thing I've done these past months. Those places Harry and Louis took me? National Parks. They knew I loved them. Traveling and taking pictures amuses me to no end. I've heard people say photography isn't all that great and can't be a job. That's my only worry. What if I can't land a gig or sell any photos? 

   "I want to take photography courses." I spoke without thinking more. "You sure?" Anne doubtfully asked. "Yes," I nodded, "Seems fair enough." Anne looked at Robin for a moment before turning back to me. "Alright then, as long as you're positive it's what you want." I smiled and thanked them. "Oh and, if it's fine, I'm going out for a few hours." Robin quickly nodded and dismissed me from the table.

   I was already dressed so there was no need in going back upstairs. I grabbed my bag from the closet and pulled my sneakers on. I smiled as I walked out the door. The fresh air hit me like a sweet scent of pure bliss. I took a deep breath before I took a step of the porch. If you want to be happy, make yourself happy. Do something for it, it won't just happen. I had to take myself in my hands and guide myself. My phone quietly vibrated in my pocket as I was just reaching to get it. The screen lighted up with Nick's name asking where I was. I quickly responded before I started speed walking towards the park. 

   "What took you so long?" Nick smirked as I approached him. I slowly shrugged, "traffic." I slid my bag down my shoulder and sat beside him on the grass. "You were walking, nub." Letting out a quite laugh, I shook my head. "I walk slow, okay. Anyways, how've you been?" Nick started getting up. "Pretty good I guess. It's been what, 18 hours?" I've been hanging out with Nick often. He's the only one who knows what's been going on with me. He hasn't said anything about it, he just knows. Nick's the type of guy who makes witty remarks and thinks he's better than everybody. He's offered me drinks and rolls before but I couldn't take it. Not just yet, anyways. Nick argued that it was a way to let go of everything. I know that. I also know it's an addiction. I don't want to risk getting out of control.

   "Yeah. So, the usual?" Nick nodded and helped me up. We started slowly walking to our nowhere. The walk was silent. Only the sounds of passing cars and birds singing were heard. I started kicking every second stone I saw. I liked these walks we had. We didn't speak, we just accepted each other's presence and kept eachother company. A short while later we reached the end of the road. The concrete road faded into a rugged up dirt trail mixed with gravel, stones and half dead grass. The trail itself faded into trees and roots. We walked through the forest for another while before a little cabin started showing itself behind trees. I smiled as I walked up the more than familier steps. 

  This cabin was my second home. Me and Nick came here almost every week. If not, I would come by myself. It was like my fantasy land, alone in the forest. It was so peaceful here; away from civiliazation and people. I opened the door to come face with messy first room. The carpet was anything but even on the old wooden floor. Down the hallway, you could see the edge of the small living room and then the kitchen. I  kicked my shoes off and walked straight towards the kitchen without saying a word. 

   "Tea?" Nick called after me. I nodded, "Make me some?" I sighed with a small smile on my face. I proceeded to make myself and Nick wild raspberry tea. The scent of the tea reminded me of Zayn. I quickly shook my head trying to get the image out of my head. I can't. I can't let the memories hold me back anymore. No matter how much I miss him , he doesn't love me. He doesn't even like me. I have to learn to accept that.

Authors Note

so..what do you guys think of Nick? He's not going to be staying for long, though. That's all I'm giving you guys for now:3

More of the boys next chapter.