I'm Sorry I Loved You

Part 4

I still can't believe What I did. What I did is the reason why I'm where I am today and always will be. Please don't blame yourself for this Jase! It's not your fault, It's mine. I would do anything for you Jase! and I mean anything! Although, I never though I would go this far! but hey! you know me, always going for the crazy side of things, always going to extreme lengths and always doing stuff before thinking first!

I miss you Jase... I really do. Do you miss me?? I won't be suprised of you don't, so don't worry about it. I'm just a lying selfish bitch and I know sorry isn't enough for what I've done, but I'm SO SO Sorry Jason! I really am......

*Flashback*

Me and Jason are 18 now and we havn't spoken a word to eachother since that dreadful day on the playground when we were 11. Yes, It's been that long!

I miss him so much! I still love him... but he doesn't love me and he never will! well, as long as I'm a girl he won't!

Jason goes to an all boys school now, he moved schools not longer after we stopped talking. I think it was just too much for him. But like I just said, I miss him so much! I never stop thinking about him.

I have a plan though! it's very risky and it could be tricky, but I'm up for the challege and I'm willing to take the risk!

I'm going to become a boy and go to Jasons School.

I know, I know! very drastic! but anything for Jase!

Luckily, I can just steal my brother Elliot's clothes so I don't have to buy any!

but what about my hair?? I think

I then notice my dressing up box.

I quickly looked through it and to my luck, there was a short brown haired wig!

I got changed into the outfit and went over to the boys school (which by the way, I enrolled for a few days ago)

I went to my first class which Jase just so happened to be in and sat down at my desk.

Jason walked in a few moments later.

He looked so handsome now! A lot more grown up and much taller too! He also had a bit of a beard and mustache growing.

He sat down at the desk next me.

I dropped my pencil on purpose to get his attention.

he turned round in my direction and bent down to pick up the pencil.

I stared at his beautiful body.

"here you go bro, you dropped this" he said in his beautiful voice which was a lot more deeper now.

"oh thanks, eer, bro" I replied

"it was no problem, hey are you new here?" Jase asked

"yea, I am" I replied

"oh cool!, I'm Jason by the way, but you can call me Jay" he told me.

Jay? what happened to Jase? Nobody ever used to call him Jay, It was always Jase, I thought.

"oh cool! I'm Em-llis, Ellis! I'm Ellis"

phew! I nearly blew my cover then!

"nice to meet ya Ellis!"

"you too!" I smiled

the rest of the day droned on and I couldn't wait to get the very itchy wig off my head!

I was about to leave the school, when I heard a shout behind me.

"Hey Ellis!"

I turned round

"do you wanna come round to my house and hang out?" he asked

"oh, umm, sure!" I replied

We spent the whole afternnoon together having fun and messing around, just like old times, only this time, I wasn't Emma, I was Ellis.

For the next few months, Me and Jason hung out almost everyday! He was overjoyed when he found out I was also 'gay'

Eventually, we started dating and we continued to do so for the next 3 years and even though I was in another identity, It was the best time of my life! I wouldn't change it for anything! Just the feel of his lips connecting with mine excited me! I loved him so mucj! and he loved me! even if I wasn't Emma.

Everything was going great... until he dropped another bombshell, which to be honest, was even bigger than the first one!

*End Of Flashback*

Wow. I can't believe I actually changed who I was just to be with you! I thought it was a good idea at first, but now I know just how stupid I was! I wish I could go back I time and change everything! I wish I could still be in your arms now Jase. I really need you! I love you and I always will! Even of you don't love me back I'll still love you! Sadly though, were in different worlds now...