Kiss Me, You Idiot

Sass Attack

Jack's POV;

I decided to get my lazy ass up and get something for Mark, I mean he's got a surprise for me so he deserves something too. After I finally got dressed and made my way out I thought about what Mark likes, should I only get him one thing? Nah, I'll get him a bunch of shit. Hmm... What does Mark like? Space! He likes space! But fuck what is spacey? Um.... A telescope! A telescope is spacey, you can see space with it. So I got a telescope and then thought about what else would be cool... I got a galaxy teddy bear, a painting of outer space, and a tiny asteroid that you can turn on with a bottom and fake fire will come off of it, and a moon card. I think that's pretty good, I hope he likes my fucking space gifts cause it's all I got. When I went home I wrapped them up in boxes like Christmas presents and I only had to use three boxes, I was proud if that. I put all the presents in my car so it's one less thing I'll have to worry about getting in my car when I gotta stuff my shit in the car. I then went inside to sign the moon card and put it in the galaxy envelope. "I hope you think my shitty gifts are out of this world. - Sean" when I finished that I put it in my car door compartment so that I wouldn't forget it because it's right next to the gum.
I then went back inside and started editing a video for YouTube it took about 7 or 8 hours. After that of course all I did was watch Mark on YouTube because as we all know I'm Markiplier trash #1.

Mark's POV;

I finally leave my room to go make some coffee, even though it's the middle of the day. It's deadly quiet throughout the house, even my dog wasn't running around, not even God knows where Chica is! The silence oddly reminded me of how loud Jack is, if he was here it would not be this quiet. He'd probably be playing video games and cursing the game, calling it every name under the sun and the fucking moon too! I sighed, I miss Jack so much. Sure we Skype, but it's like when you're in a relationship with someone and you've met them in person many times before but then you mostly text. You can't help but want to see them in person, it's just not the same... Does that make sense? Probably not. After making my coffee I turn around and start walking back to my room, but after the first few steps I trip over something solid and face-plant. My reaction time really could use some work. My coffee spilled all over the kitchen floor but luckily enough the mug didn't break.
I looked back to see what it is I tripped over and there laying on the floor was Chica, "Goddamnit dog!" I shouted, getting up and going to get the mug that had been thrown across the kitchen floor. I had to make another cup of coffee and while waiting on that I cleaned the kitchen, "You're lucky you're cute or I'd drop your ass back off at the pound." I grumbled under my breath while glaring at the dog. When I finally got the mess cleaned up and my cup of coffee, I returned to my room. When I checked my phone I got a message from Wade, "Bob and I are going out for drinks, if you want to join we're going to the bar downtown beside the subway, be there by 7PM." I checked my clock, 6:15PM, I still have time to make it... But should I? Like I just made my coffee... But then again going out could be good for me, the silence is starting to get to me... Oh what the hell, I'll go.
I go to my closet and pull on a black Smash Bros t-shirt as well as some black pants. I pull on some socks and search for some shoes for about five minutes, when I finally find them I quickly put them on. I then make a mad dash for the bathroom, fixing my scent and hair. I check my phone to see if I need a jacket, it may be hot during the day but at night it gets really fucking cold - fifty-five degrees with wind, fuck yes Jacket time. I search for a jacket but all of them seem a bit too thick until I find the jacket Jack left last time he was here, it's really too big for him and he calls it his "lounging jacket" I smiled and rolled my eyes remembering when he said that to me. I put it on and it was just right for the weather, I smiled as it still smelled like Jack. I put my phone in my pocket, said goodbye to Chica, and grabbed my keys from the dish on the table beside the door.
I texted Wade when I parked my car outside the bar I texted that I was here and then I got out, confidently strutting inside. I heard Wade doing his terrible impersonations from across the bar and felt bad for Bob, he must be so embarrassed. I made my way over to the back corner where they were sitting and Bob looked behind himself to see me "Thank God you're here, can you tell Wade to shut the hell up!?" He exclaimed laughing as Wade cried an offended "Hey!" I sat down between the two of them, "Wade, can you please stop embarrassing Bob!?" I said it in more of a demand way than a question way.
I got some Guinness because it reminded me of Jack, "Mark what the hell is up with you!? Why are you ordering fucking Guinness! Are you pranking us or something?!" Bob exclaimed, "Maybe it's Jack in disguise." Wade said while looking me up and down, "Shut up, Wade!" I exclaimed pushing him playfully "And I'm fine, I just want some Guinness alright! Is it against the law for me to have Guinness or some shit?" I chuckled, "Well it's just that Guinness is usually Jack's thing 'cause ya know he's Irish..." Bob said, "Hey wait a minute... Mark, that isn't your jacket." Wade said with a smirk, "I-I have no idea what you're talking about." I said laughing nervously - trying to play it cool, "That's Jack's jacket." Wade said, his smirk growing even bigger than his ego, "N-no it isn't!" I said nervously, "Yeahuh!" Wade exclaimed going on his phone and pulling up a picture on Jack's Instagram with him in the jacket with the caption "Just chilling in the lounging jacket." I grumbled "shit." under my breath, "Ha! Gotcha bitch!" Bob exclaimed, "Who's side are you even on?" I asked glaring at him, "The winning side." Bob said smirking at me and high-fiving Wade, "I hate you guys." I grumbled.
When our drinks finally came I was ready to order some damn food! "Can I get some nachos?" I asked, "Yes Sir." The waitress said smiling, she then proceeded to take Bob and Wade's orders, she smiled that fake smile that all waitresses and waiters use to try and get tips, "That'll be right out you guys!" She said cheerfully before walking off. "Oh my god, she's so fake." Bob chuckled sipping on his beer, "She seemed nice." Wade said, "Shut up Wade, she just playin' tryna get a big tip." I say rolling my eyes, "Wade just wants to give her his little tip." Bob sassed smirking as Wade glared at him, I laughed and high-fived Bob, "Nice one." I chuckled, "I hate you guys." Wade said while smiling and drinking some of his girly-ass drink, I don't even know what it was called but it was like a mix of a Margarita and a Sex on the Beach.
"Oh my God though, did you see her hair?" Bob said smirking, "Oh, I know it's so fucked! She needs to touch up her fucking roots and cut off those split fucking ends." I sassed smirking, "Not to mention it looks like she half-assedly tried to straighten her hair after curling it but realizing it looks like shit." Bob said, "Sounds like Mark's sexuality." Wade chuckled, "Fight me!" I shouted playfully punching his shoulder, "And her fingernail paint was so fucking tacky! Who the fuck has one hand purple and the other yellow?! Not to mention she made the purple ones sparkle and then the yellow is like matte!" Bob said going on his usual sass attack, "I know right! Not to mention her foundation totally doesn't match her skin tone!" I exclaimed, "And her eyebrows remind me of a rainbow!" Bob exclaimed, "Oh my God and they aren't even the same height!" I added. "Um... You guys..." Wade said looking at something behind us, "Not now Wade!" I shouted, "Oh my god her lips are so cracked!" Bob said laughing evilly, "Yea and the yellow lipstick makes her lips look like a fucked up banana!" I giggled, "Haha! What lips!" Bob exclaimed, "Oh my God, yes!!!" I exclaimed back as we both busted up laughing.
"Guys, I'm serious!" Wade exclaimed, "What is it Wade?! What is it that's so important that you gotta interrupt our sass attack!?" I shouted, "Behind you..." He said blushing, I furrowed my eyebrows at him and looked behind us to see the waitress red faced, with a look of pure anger and hatred.