Blackbird

Maybe

I wake up like that still in Andrew's arms, it's nice. The warmth and comfort, who else do I have? The answer is no one. My father is dead, my mother hates my very existence, my so called best friend Autumn had long abandoned me. I need to go back, after everything all of this uncertainty the pain I feel from Andrew sleeping with someone else hasn't gone away not in the least, but I want to go back I want to see the comic store I worked at. See Tyler and Katie and Kylee again, apart from a few text messages checking in on my apartment I hadn't really talked to them at all. Do I trust Andrew to just leave him again though?

I look at his face, relaxed from sleep. I love him, I honestly do but I don't fully trust him again, that will take awhile. And to top it all off I have to deal with stupid cold I'm getting. I think the best thing I can do is talk to Mia and see what she thinks, I mean we still have about three more weeks before we go back on tour. I lay there for a bit longer in the quiet before I get up leaving Andrew asleep until I'm already dressed and ready and Elwood jumps up on the bed waking Andrew.

"Morning." He gets out around a yawn.

"Good morning. I'm going to go see Mia and talk with her for a bit today but I should be back before lunch I'll call you if anything changes alright."

"Alright, I'll be here I'm going to try writing some music while you're gone. I'll see you later." He sits up as he says this petting Elwood. Things are a bit tense between us, well not tense but awkward we both aren't talking about what happened but it needs to be addressed, just not now.

I had called Mia before I had gotten in the shower and we had agreed to meet at a coffee shop only about a fifteen minute walk from Andrews house. When I get there she's already sitting inside and waves me over to her.

I sit down with a small smile "Thanks for meeting me on such short notice."

Mia smiles and pushes a cup of tea towards me that she had ordered before I got here. "It's not a problem, I'm glad that you're choosing to talk to me than just bottling everything up that's not good for you. Now what was it you want to talk about?" She takes a sip of her own drink patiently waiting for me to talk.

I turn the cup in my hand trying to think of how to say everything properly, slowly the words come to me. "I suppose I should tell you a bit more of what happened in New York, when I was there my mother." I pause taking a deep breath. "My mother made it very clear that I was no longer her daughter, she blames me for what happened to my dad. I understand she was just hurting but I didn't even get to say goodbye to my him or go to the funeral. I was trying to keep it all together in New York, and when I came back here and found another woman, I don't even know her name, with Andrew having slept with him it just ruined me." at this point tears are welling in my eyes but Mia lets me continue. "I'm trying to fix it all and make it work because I do love him but I don't know how to trust him again. And don't get me wrong it's been about a year that I have spent with you all and it's amazing but I need to go back to California and tie up loose ends there too. I miss people there but I'm scared to leave Andrew again what if he does it again? I just don't know anymore Mia what's the right thing to do?"

Mia sighs softly and gently grabs my hand as a few traitor tears make their way down my face and I wipe them away with a napkin. "I think you need to talk to Andrew, go back to California we still have a few weeks take him with you. I'm sure he will agree to go before the tour starts again. But honestly I think the most important thing you two can do is talk about it. You love him and he loves you, just take it slow you don't need to rush. You need time, not only to trust but to mourn a lot has happened."

Mia smiles at me and we talk a bit more, lighter topics nothing as deep as we started out, and by the time we both finish our tea and have eaten proper food we've spent at least an hour there. Mia walks with me to the end of the street before saying goodbye and I head back to Andrews house trying to think of how to bring up the fact that I want to go back to California.

Elwood greets me at the door and I can hear the sound of a guitar filtering through the house. I follow the noise and find Andrew staring down at his guitar a few pieces of paper littered around him. I knock gently on the door frame getting his attention. "Hey, I'm back."

Andrew puts the guitar down and turns to face me. "Hey how was it?"

"It was good, it was good. Uh when you're not busy" I gesture to the guitar and papers "I wanna talk, I'll be downstairs Elwood and I are gonna watch some tv until you're done I don't want to disturb you more."

"Ehm alright" I turn and go back downstairs with Elwood padding behind me softly. We spend the whole day on the house watching nature documentaries.

At some point I had fallen asleep and when I wake up it's because I can hear Andrew in the kitchen. I blink trying to clear away the haze from sleeping, it's already dark outside and I'm a bit hungry so I walk into the kitchen finding Andrew with a glass of water and phone in hand.

He looks up at me as I enter. "Oh hey you're awake. I just ordered some pizza so it should be here soon. What did you want to talk about?"

I lean against the counter opposite of him and try to think my words out before I say them. "Well uh. To tell the truth I wanted to, well I wanted to go visit California and I want you to go with me before we go back on tour. Just for a few days so I can check on Katie and Kylee and I want to see the comic shop I used to work in. I haven't seen any of them in almost a year and I thought maybe since we still have a few weeks we could just go down for a few days and-"

"Yes." Andrew cuts my rambling off.

"and I know its short notice but. Yes?" I finally process what he said.

"Yes." he gets up from where he was leaning against the counter and puts his hands on my shoulders. "If you want to go back to California for a bit we can do that." he wraps me in a hug and puts his chin on top of my head. I sighs and starts talking again this time very softly like he was trying to keep from crying. "I know I haven't been the best boyfriend in the world. I've been a rather shitty one, and I regret it all if I could take back what I did I would in a second. It also hasn't been any easier on you after what happened with your dad I know you need to talk about it, and I hope you will share with me and allow me to help you but I'm not going to push you to do that. I'll support you no matter what Aria." He hugs me tighter and I hug back, maybe it all will work out in the end.