Blackbird

I'll go back

I bite my lip and turn to the window trying to avoid his eyes. I stare out the window.
I break the thick silence in the room. "Did you enjoy it?" My voice is hoarse from crying.
"What? No! Aria I don't know what came over me. I was drunk and lonely and scared. I didn't know if you had left me forever." He barely says the last part. I look back at him. His hazel eyes are raw. "Aria I love you. I know I messed up and I was pretty fucking stupid but please, please know I will never do that again. I am so so sorry Aria." He takes my smaller hand into his larger ones and they are warm, familiar. "Please forgive me and I will make it up to you I swear."
I have a choice I can either stay and try and work this out now or I can go to my apartment and try and figure it out there. Something in me tells me that if I go back to the states I will create a gap that can never be fixed, if I stay there's a chance to save whatever the hell this has turned into. As much as it hurts me right now I love Andrew too much to just give it all up even after what he did, oh there will be consequences but I forgive him. I forgave him the moment I walked out of his house, I know I will always forgive him even if it kills me in the end.
I take a deep breath. "Andrew what you did with her. That hurt me in a way is haven't been hurt before. All the trust I put into you, shattered. Do you know what it felt like? To walk in there, see a woman I've never met bare, all but a towel, knowing she slept with you. Hearing her ask who I was, when I should've asked her that. If I continue this I never want to see her again, nowhere near either of us. The worst part is that I forgave you right there too, I couldn't bring myself to hate you." I smile bitterly, "I left because I had to. My father was about to die, my mother ruined my phone. I did what I could there but I came back to you, Andrew I came back to you and you had sex with another person. Where do we even go from here?"
"I didn't know, I'm sorry Aria." He runs a hand through his hair leaning back. "As far as what we are supposed to do that's up to you. If you want to come back you can and we can work something out at a pace you're comfortable with. Or you could stay here if you need to. I understand either way."
"I'll go back, I need a little bit of space but I'll go back. But she better be gone along with every trace of her her things, her smell, all of it."
"She's already gone, I'll go back now and come and get you in a few hours okay?" I nod I don't feel like talking anymore I'm more exhausted than anything.
He stands up and leans down to kiss my forehead but I stop him with a hand on his chest. "Not yet." He nods and leaves looking back before he does.
Once he's gone Mia comes back in carrying some medicine.
"Hey, so you're going back then?" She sets the tablets and some water on the table near me.
I run a hand through my hair. "Yeah, I want to fix things but...I don't know he just hurt me so much it will take time."
She nods understandingly. "I see. You need time to mourn properly as well, and you need to get better we don't want you getting to sick. Take these and then try and get some rest. And you can always come back here if you need to, my door will always be open."
"thank you Mia, for everything." I try and smile but I'm so exhausted it takes a lot of effort to do that.
"You're welcome hun, now get some rest."
When she leaves I take the small white capsules and drift off into sleep