Meltdown ♔ C.G.

[0.3] ▸ MALEVOLENT

[ Vision by Hucci x Dom Sebastian ]
•••

Carl ♛
"Shhh. . . Shhh" I coo as I coddle my younger sister in my arms, rocking her malnourished body back and forth, slowly, afraid that even the slightest movement might shatter her into a million pieces.

How could such a greedy, malevolent adolescent like myself hold something so free of any impurities, someone who still sees the world through hopeful eyes, no matter how dangerous these conditions have become? I have viciously murdered innocent lives with the very hands my baby sister now rests in, how? My heart pinches, knowing that Judith, too, will someday be forced into learning to fight, and possibly even kill. Her innocence will soon be victim to the vile ways of the new world.

The small child whimpers, interrupting my putrid thoughts. She's always like this during Negan's visits; Ever since he's let our people return to Alexandria after being held in the barred rooms of his compound. This was all on a few conditions, of course: Our weapons stay locked away with the rest of the Saviors, any attempts at an attack will be shut down, with those involved "severely punished," and finally, he will personally impose his own authority to give us a little "check-up" every other week. No one has yet fathomed as to why he wants to keep such a close eye on us, but I've assumed it's his foul way of reminding my father and what were once his people that no matter how many times we tell ourselves otherwise, we're still under the control of the Saviors.

I pick up Judith's baby bottle, gingerly placing it by her mouth for her to suck on. Her tiny hands grasp the worn plastic as she pulls the nipple towards her. These actions, however simple, immediately seem to calm her down. I watch as the pure being before me looks up at my hollow face, outlined with traces of insomnia, and smiles; She smiles at the twisted boy she calls her brother.

I feel the corners of my mouth twitch into a slight smirk, and butterflies erupt in my stomach, when all of a sudden our mere moment of peace is interrupted by the loathsome ring of a gunshot.

What?! I pull Judith closer as she begins to whimper again, my eyes darting up to the staircase in which I witness my father zoom down. "Wh-What happened?" I question.

"Carl," he replies, stopping to caress the heads of both of his children, an expression of utter dread plastered across his creased face, "I don't know." The man, beaten down from the harsh ways of the new world, along with the burden of a whole family of people, is almost
unrecognizable to me as he jogs to one of the windows. My feet follow soon after, Judith crying louder than ever, now.

"No, Carl. Get away so they can't see you. Lock the door behind me, then go take Judith upstairs." With that, he kisses our foreheads and pivots out the door. I do as I am told, admiring the coolness of the lock between my sweaty palms. The palms that once held a pistol, using it to mercilessly kill without a second thought, allowing me to take advantage of the weapons that were supposed to protect me, but instead fanned the flames of my desire for bloodshed.

I look down at the small child in my hands, and a wave of disgust washes over me. Disgust that is not only aimed at my own malevolence, but at the world itself. Such a delicate being doesn't deserve to look back on her childhood only to recall nothing but decay and loss. . . and that's why I need to protect her.

I hastily run up the stairs and into my bedroom, all the while holding Judith tight to my chest, my heart slamming against my rib cage harder than ever before. I reach out to the right of my dresser and grab the handle of her car seat, dragging it nearer towards me.