aliens are stupid • ben parish

06

'Zombie here is your squad leader,' Reznik continues pointing directly at Ben.

Zombie?

But I guess she's right, he does look like a zombie, his eyes are sunken and he looks a lot thinner than I remember but he's still Ben Parish.

Ben nods towards me and Reznik. Then Reznik turns on her heel and leaves. Ben starts walking towards me making my knees start knocking.

God grow up!

I stand up straighter in an attempt to stop them.

'I'm Private Zombie, that's Dumbo and Oompa,' He points towards a nerdy looking guy around fourteen, just a year younger than me, and a younger boy who looks around twelve. 'That's Flintstone, Teacup, Poundcake and Ringer.'

My eyes drift to who he's pointing at. I tall boy who has the worlds biggest unibrow and it takes a lot of effort not the laugh at so I look at who I think is Teacup, a girl around seven with her arms crossed giving me the once over. Poundcake is a plump little boy who looks around 10.

Then I see Ringer, a girl around sixteen with shiny dark hair, perfectly clear, pale skin and dark eye makeup. Who takes the time to a dramatic smokey eye during the apocalypse?

'Don't forget me!' A high voice says from behind Ben or should I say 'Zombie' and I.

'How could I forget you?' Zombie laughs and there a hint of that famous Ben Parish smile, but it's not the same. More subdued. 'This here is Nugget.' He ruffles the boys black hair.

Nugget's obviously the youngest here, probably only five or six. There is a sudden familiarity about him but I leave it.

'Your bunk's over there. Be up at 5.30 sharp okay?' Zombie points at a bunk near the back that I'm secretly hoping is near his.

The bunks are made of a black coloured metal and have a number painted on the end. They give me the impression of a prison bed and I shake my head to rid myself of the idea.

'Okay.' I say and trudge over to it and dump my bag from my bed and onto the floor. I shove it under the bed. I'm glad to get away from him because I was worried I was staring at him. Or that I might have embarrassed myself by saying something stupid.

But then I remember he probably doesn't remember me. But hell do I remember him. I remember all the times I talked to him. Well the first and only time I talked to him until now.

I was in second period Chemistry (hah get it? chemistry? as in me and him had chemistry? no, okay forget it) where Ben sat a seat in front of me and we'd just done a practise test.

'Now everyone! We are going to be peer assessing these tests so please pass your test to the person behind you.' Our teacher had said and I clearly remember thinking, oh my god. I have to mark Ben Parish's test. Like that's something terrifying! I laugh at myself now.

So just as teacher had asked I turned around to give my test to the person sitting behind me. I don't remember who sat behind me but what I do remember is when I turned back around Ben Parish was there with his one thousand watt smile handing me his test.

'Good luck.' He said to me before turning back around.

Oh my god Ben Parish just wished me good luck! My brain was screaming at this point but I told myself to shut up. He wished you good luck, obviously supposed to. He's the school's golden boy.

I figured out then that along with gorgeous and kind Ben Parish was also smart as hell. Once we'd finished marking the tests I was counting up Ben's score and when I saw he got one off full marks a wave of jealousy came over me.

Why is it that some people are good at everything and then you get people like me who are average in looks, average in class. Nothing special. Sometimes life just isn't fair.

The kid behind me passed me my test and I took a glance at my mark, I mean it was better than last time but no where as good as Ben's. So I quickly turned it over when Ben turned around to get his. I was embarrassed what can I say?

'How did I do?' He asked me as I handed him back his paper.

'Amazing..' I said and added in my head 'just like your face.'

'Oh nice!' Ben said smiling again when he sees his score. 'How did you do? Eh, Dylan right?'

I was so overwhelmed by the fact he actually knew my name and by the fact that he cared what I got I just held up the paper to show him forgetting my earlier embarrassment.

'Awesome! Well done!' He said and I just nodded in thanks. Then he turned back around and for the last few minutes of the period I sat and started at the back of his perfect head.

Obviously he wouldn't remember me. Would he?

I'm so caught up in thoughts I hardly notice Ringer coming and standing next to my bunk.

'Hey?' She ventures waving a hand in front of my face and I snap my head to face her.

Ugh she infuriates me, she's like, perfect in every way. I take in her flawless skin and lovely, shiny hair and jealousy rises in my just like my first and only encounter with Ben Parish.

'Hey, Ringer right?' I say and she nods.

'Yeah, I just came to tell that the boys in here are utter idiots and if they make any sexist remarks about you then don't hesitate to slice their throat.' She says.

'Okay?' I laugh and I get an almost smile from her. 'Am I sharing a bunk with you?' I ask.

'It's your lucky day Switchblade you are going to be sharing a bunk with me!' Ringer tells me her voice laced with sarcasm.

Despite the fact she's utterly flawless and she makes me jealous just by breathing, I'm starting to like Ringer.

'Oh and what's the schedule round here?' I ask her.

'You mean Zombie didn't tell you?' She asks.

I shake my head and she sighs.

'He's useless, this is why I should be squad leader. I was leader of my last squad.' She says and smiles. 'But anyway, get up at 5.30, morning inspection by Reznik at 6, breakfast at 6.30 and training starts at 7. You get a break for lunch at 12 and then training starts again at half past. Then you train until 6.30 which is then followed by dinner. After dinner there's P and D which stands for processing and disposal. Basically we hide dead people. Oh and curfew is at 11. Got it?'

I nod, totally overwhelmed by all this new information and Ringer laughs to herself.

'Don't worry you'll get used to it. But remember 6 o'clock sharp.' She says and with that she climbs up the ladder to the bed above me and calls:

'Will you thumb-suckers shut up? I'm going to sleep!'

The noise immediately ceases and I shut my eyes. I drift in and out of sleep, it's sleeping in a strange place, it's always done that to me. I haven't had a proper sleep since I left home.

•
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