Walk of shame (Bucky Barnes)

Part 8

When you finally emerged from your room it was close to dinner time and you were going to grab something small to eat before getting ready for the party you needed to attend. Your dress was hanging in your closet and you knew it would grab attention tonight, which is what you need to succeed.

You hoped the mission would go without a flaw but you were excited to finally show everyone what you were capable off. You couldn't help but think about what Steve said to you last time you spoke and it was eating you up inside, you were not as strong this time, you thought it was because there were more triggers this time.

Inwardly debating what you could do to keep yourself closed off, you were frustrated with yourself knowing that you could be strong and independent but every time Bucky came to your mind you felt your heartrate pick up which meant that he was your biggest trigger for now.

Deciding that you were going to keep your distance from him since you couldn't use the distractions nor the internal battle for your emotions. Walking into the kitchen you saw the team sitting around the table. Clint was back so it was quite crowded.

You nodded at them before walking over to the fridge to find yourself something light to eat, you decided on a apple since there was not much in the fridge to begin with and you didn't want to make yourself something. "If you can wait 10 minutes, the salad will be ready" Nat called out to you.

Shaking your head before answering "No thanks, I have to get ready soon". Everyone looked up at you at this and you rolled your eyes "What?" Steve looked around the table before focusing on you and said "You still have 2 hours before you have to leave, you have time to eat"

You snorted before responding "Do you think I wake up looking like a sexy woman on the prowl? It takes time, a lot of time" you sarcastically said before walking out of the kitchen and back upstairs.

Deciding to take a shower first, you went in the bathroom and pulled your clothes off stepping under the warm water. It did wonders for your muscles and for a minute you just stood there enjoying the feeling of the water running down your body. You picked up your razor and made sure that your legs and armpits were shaved before turning your attention towards your bikini line, carefully grooming it before putting your razor down and start washing your hair. When you were finally ready you stepped out and dried yourself off, you towel dry your hair before taking out bobby pins and start to braid your hair before circling it around your head making it look you were wearing a crown.

Starting on your make up you decided to go all out and put on a heavy smoky eye making your eyes pop, you put on red lipstick and you looked at yourself nodding at your reflection, you looked good, good enough to grab the attention of one of the most wanted criminals in the world, you just hoped that you could keep his attention long enough.

You walked back into your room and decided on black lacy underwear with a garter belt and stockings to complete your look, you put on your shoes, black high heels before pulling your dress out of the closet and peeled the protecting plastic off it so you could pull it on, it was a red and strapless dress with a high thigh split so part of your stockings were visible including the suspender belt making it look almost trashy but you knew that that was exactly what you needed to look like tonight.

When you deemed yourself ready you looked at the clock seeing that you needed to leave in 15 minutes if you were going to make it on time. You took a deep breath before starting towards the stairs to walk downstairs, you knew they were still sitting in the kitchen going over last minute details and you couldn't wait to see their faces, they were not looking at you and you cleared your throat to let them know you were there, they turned around and each and every mouth fell open, Nat was smirking at you but the guys had trouble pulling their jaws off the floor. Steve was the first one to speak "You look really good Y/N" he said and Bucky and Clint nodded making you laugh.

Twirling a bit, you asked them "Do you think this will get his attention?" You saw Bucky tense and you tried not to smile at this, Steve nodded "I think this will do just fine" he said. You nodded and stepped back out to grab a cigarette before leaving, feeling anxious and needing the nicotine to keep you calm even just for a moment.

You stood outside lighting your cigarette and blew out the smoke instantly feeling calmer even though you knew it was an illusion, you looked over your shoulder when you heard someone approach and you rolled your eyes seeing it was Bucky, you needed to keep your distance and you were about to walk away but for some reason your feet were super glued and you couldn't move. He put his hand on your shoulder and you inhaled sharply at the contact, realising his mistake he quickly took his hand off before apologising "I'm sorry, I know you don't like to be touched".

He was right though you didn't like to be touched but that wasn't why you were startled, the moment he put his hand on you, you felt your skin burn, electricity shooting across your body and making you feel lightheaded just from one simple touch, the truth is you didn't like to be touched except when it was His touch. You loved it and that frightened you because you needed to stop feeling things if you wanted this to work. You looked at him for a moment giving yourself one last chance to just admire his face and body and the way his eyes lit up when they looked at you. You knew what you had to do to make this work and you knew it would break his heart and possibly yours too and the fact that you knew it would hurt Bucky deeply almost made you smile, not out of spite but because he really cared about you even though he didn't show it all that much. You had a hard time letting anyone in especially after Daniel and you knew that after this was over and done with there were a lot of issues you needed to work through. But that was the only option you could see that would guarantee everyone's safety.