golden days ˗ˏ'h.g ˎˊ˗

; 01

— "I fell in love with someone I couldn't have, someone who could never love me back. So I stopped trying and started loving myself instead, because self love should always be the first love in your life."

☽ ૢ*ೃ༄ ૢ☾
O n e ; losing everything

{{ warning : story may contain sexual intercourse & may also contain strong language. This story also includes cutting, suicide & may trigger strong feelings. Story is rated— R; so read at your own risk. Enjoy }}
⋆⋰☼⋱⋆⋰☼⋱⋆⋰☼⋱⋆⋰☼⋱⋆
M a n d y
"Sweetheart, I love you. I really do, it's just that I don't know what to do with you anymore. You need motherly advice and I'm not a woman," my father chuckled. "I know this is hard but you can come and visit whenever you want."

He finished and kissed my forehead as the flight assistant said my plane number. I smiled and hugged him one last time. "Bye daddy." I said. He hugged me tighter and soon I was making my way towards the gate that would take me far away from my father.

I've never really knew my mother. My dad told me stories on how amazing and beautiful she was, he told me that she loved me so dearly. But I guess it was all kinda a lie, whenever he invited her and my older brother for the holidays she'd reject the invitation.

What hurt me the most was seeing my father get upset about it and skip dinner. Sometimes he wouldn't talk for two or three weeks. I knew she had broken his big heart so many times that he's gotten used to it, and I'm guessing he also doesn't want me to see him upset when she rejects him.

As I took a my seat which was by the window, thank goodness, I saw my father at the window smiling. Knowing how alone he was going to be, just made me want to break down. But I have to stay strong for him, I don't want him to know that I'm weak.

I smiled and waved at him, when he saw me his smile faded but soon was replaced with a fake one. I know when people try to fake they're smiles, trust me. I've done it a billion times yet nobody ever notices how broken you actually are until you have had enough and just end it.

I grabbed my earphones and put them on, I grabbed my phone and started playing Lost Boy by Ruth B. My father always said I had an obsession over sad music. The thing was that maybe, just maybe, sad music was for sad broken souls like mine. I always got bullied about not having a mom or about not being good enough.

The only solution for me was my blade, sometimes seeing the blood flowing down my wrists calmed me. Than at other times I thought I was ending my life by harming myself. In school I was always the outcast, never really did I have friends. But when I tried to make one they'd turn against me.

"No one likes you! Stop trying because that will never get you anywhere, as much as your beloved daddy tells you how beautiful you are just remember it's a lie just so you feel good about yourself."

Those words just kept echoing in my head, it has been like that since I realized it was true. I was never enough, whenever I saw myself in the mirror all I could see was my flaws, the mistakes and all the sadness that filled my eyes.

My smiles, I don't understand how my father never saw how fake and hollow they were. "Excuse me? May I sit here?" Asked a sweet voice, I looked over and saw a boy maybe two years older than me.

"Uhm, ya sure." I said and gave him a fake smile. I knew he was broken too, just by the way his eyes were filled with sadness. And when he smiled at me it seemed like he had been so hurt. Soon the plane started move, I looked out the window once more to see tears flow down my fathers face as his hands cover his face.

"You okay?" The guy asked, I looked at him and this time his smile didn't seem as hurt. But there was still a touch of sadness in him. I nodded my head and tried to hide the tears that were ready to burst out any second.

"Perfectly fine." I said barely above a whisper, I closed my eyes and put my hands over my face. He looked at me again and started fiddling with his fingers. He was about to speak but the intercom interrupted him.

"Ladies and gentlemen we are about to ascend so if you could please buckle up and thank you for joining American Airlines" the lady said. I buckled up and put my head against my seat still trying to contain my tears

"I-I'm running away..." The guys who was sitting on my left said. I looked at him and he was still trying to comprehend why he was. He looked up to me and spoke, "if it makes you feel better...my father used to abuse my sister. She died, I didn't want to be left with him so I'm running away." He whispered.

"Oh, I, uhm I'm sorry..." I said but this time I gave him a sympathy smile. He gave me another fake smile before he looked me in straight in the eyes. His baby blue eyes looked like he was about to burst. I knew he had a hard life by the bruises on his cheek and arms.

"I'm Jackson Hayes, by the way..." He said and this time his smile seemed real, it seemed as if he was actually happy. But maybe my mind was playing tricks on me because I knew broken people could never smile the same happy smile they used to give.

Now their smiles are fake and their emotions take over them 99% of the time. "I'm Mandy Whitesides, nice to meet you." I said as he nodded. Everything seemed to fade away, all my problems seemed to disappear as my eyes started closing. And with that I was in a deep slumber.

⋆⋰☼⋱⋆⋰☼⋱⋆⋰☼⋱⋆⋰☼⋱⋆

Aye, first chapter! Hopefully you like it, and I can't wait to make the second chapter! much love xoxo
- diana ♡