Counting Stars - A Zayn Malik FanFiction

Chapter 3

As Alice and I were walking down the short hallway to the lobby of our floor, a RN stopped me.

“Newbies eat up here the first day.”

I sigh and Alice says “See you in 30!”

As they call role, I sit in a little desk and wait.

The RN comes back over to me and says “They’ll be up in 10 minutes with your food. You can just walk around until they come up. But you ARE NOT allowed in the boys hallway.”

“Got it. 10 minutes. Girls hallway.” I climb out of the chair and head back the way I came.

At the end of the hallway, next to my room, there is a little hang out area for the girls.

There is a little table with 4 chairs around it. The walls around three sides of the little area are glass, so we can look out into a field.

As I stare out the large windows, I see a rabbit nibbling on some grass. He looks so content. Like he doesn’t have a care in the world.

What a lucky rabbit.

After feeling jealous of a rabbit for far too long, I decide to go back to my room and get familiar with the view.

As I walk into my room, I stop in front of the bathroom mirror.

“Not bad.” I think to myself. I probably look way better than most of the people here.

I only caught glimpses of people, and they looked like crack addicts.

After I tousle my hair a bit, I walk back to my bed and stare out my window.

I start to think about how my life would be different if I wasn’t depressed. If I never cut myself. If I never tried to kill myself.

I try to remember back to when I wasn’t depressed.

~Flashback~

*This is the part with some hard memories*

If I had to choose, it was around first grade. I was 6 years old.

My little brothers were 5 year old twins, and we didn’t have a care in the world.

Then my mom kicked my dad out.

I sat in the front window crying and screaming for 3 days straight.

She had just got rid of the main source of my happiness as a child.

After she kicked him out, she filed for divorce, and soon after that, filed a restraining order.

After that, I didn’t see my dad for 6 months.

I cried almost every night.

As I got older, things only got worse.

My mother started doing drugs (again), drinking a lot, had an alcoholic boyfriend, and always ignored us.

She would yell at us for no reason, and make me want to tear my hair out.

Any time she would try to yell at my brothers, I had to protect them.

I was their mother figure.

By the age of 9, I was so depressed, I tried killing myself.

I guess that’s where shit started to hit the fan.

My mom would always spank us. Not just the pat on the butt, but it was pants and underwear down, whipping with a belt type spanking.

Would you ever whip a child?

Well she did. I was 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12 years old when the spanking occurred.

I would scream so loud, and this just made her whip us harder.

Almost every time she spanked me, I ran away from home.

I would run to my friend’s house and took refuge for as long as I could before I had to return to hell.

After my return, I was yelled at profusely.

Eventually, the spanking stopped, but the yelling just got worse.

She had even slapped me quite a few times, even though she will always deny it.

Sometimes, she would act like the mother I had always wanted, but the façade quickly faded.

I remember when I was 12; she had told me that I was raped.

I had cried all night long.

This is when the cutting began, and the suicide attempts became more frequent.

~

Once I turned 15, I became more ballsy. I would scream back at my mother, and even smack her hand away if she tried smacking me.

.

I wipe my tears away as I remember all of the terrible memories of my childhood. I slow my breathing and wash my face just as Lisa, the RN, came and told me my lunch was ready. I walk down the hallway.

She leads me to a room with a large table and lots of chairs.

As I sit down, I hear Lisa say “… will be joining you. He’s new too.”

I missed the first part.

I’ll just ask his name when he comes in.

As soon as he walks in, the first thing I notice are his eyes.

He's the one I saw out my window.

~

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