Losing Grace

Ch. 2

I couldn't possibly want to disappear more than now. Everybody in the hallway is staring at me. It's the 2 year anniversary of Kaleb dying, and it seems as though I am the main attraction. I understand that being the girl who was his best friend and is now a complete wreck, would get a little bit of attention, but not this damn much. Nobody pays attention to me anymore, except for today. I have zero friends, but that's my fault since I shut out everybody after he died.

Usually, when I walk down the hallways, I don't have people staring at me, just whispering, but that's expected. When it all first happened, it was crazy. I had people sending me cards, flowers, always giving me hugs, and crying with me. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to act, everybody was telling me, "it will be alright," "he's in a better place now" and all that shit. It doesn't change that Kaleb killed himself. This was because of me.

It sounds horrible. As if I did something to him. But I didn't. It was because we had fallen in love. Fast. It was crazy. All of our memories together fly through my mind. From the hugs, our first kiss, the first night we had sex. Our first fight which led to him standing outside my door all night until I came out in the morning and we spent all day talking about what happened and he held me close. I miss him, a lot. And nobody could ever replace him. If he saw me now I'm not sure what he would say. I let it get to me. His death was a surprise to everybody. Trying to commit suicide wasn't a surprise to me, though. I knew he was having a lot of problems; his mom left and his dad took out all his drunken anger on Kaleb.

I was the one person he could trust and go to in the middle of the night to just listen and be there for him. I loved him for who he was, not for his popularity and good looks, which is what most of the people at school who followed him around liked him for. He had dirty blonde hair that he left in a tangled mess upon his head, bright green eyes, tan toned body, and a smile that could light up the whole town. He was the star quarter back, leading goalie in soccer, and the captain and best basketball player in the school. Everybody saw this boy as a 17 year old who had it all. Good looks, popularity, and money. But, nobody saw the troubled, crying, depressed boy who hid his cuts and bruises. I did. And that's why he was my best friend, my first love, and my last.

Kaleb Mayson. The boy who was slowly falling behind.