Dear Nobody

November 7, 2013

Dear Nobody,

I know I haven't written in a few days... Six days to be exact, but who was really keeping track?

It was three days ago in Algebra 2. I walked in to Mr. B's class room and there you  were, in Sarah's chair. Justin was on the other side, and I was to be in the middle of you two. How lovely. When I came into your line of sight, you looked up at me, but there was something off. You seemed different. Sad. You didn't even give me your trademark white-toothed grin, just a tight smile.

Class soon begun and Mr. B started up his lecture on Quintic Equations, but five minutes later you still hadn't struck up any conversation. I kicked the back of Sarah's new seat in front of mine, Did they...? I mouthed to her and looked from you to Jillian and to you, then back to Jillian once more.

"What? ...Yeah!" Sarah grinned. I knew she was excited for your relationship to be over, she'd never truly liked you, per se. She thought you were and asshole. I could never say the same about you with out it being a half lie.

"Oh." I breathed as I tried not to think about it too much... I was supposed to be not caring about you.

Halle and Justin were in a conversation of their own, and I thought to let them be, until Justin began talking to me.

"Rose... " I was paying attention to the equation on the board, and hadn't heard him. "Rose?"

"Hmm... What? Me?" I spluttered.. Gosh he was cute...

"Yes, you." Justin grinned. He lowered his voice to a kind of stage whisper, "Did they break up? Jillian and Pieter?"

"Oh! Uhm, yes... Yeah." I nodded slowly.

Justin just grinned at Halle and she visibly grimaced.

"Why?"

"Me and Justin had a bet... For... How long until they broke up..." Halle finally explained, and seemed kind of ashamed of herself. Why bet on something like that? It sounds like something from an After fanfic... I thought to myself.

"Oh my god! Why would you bet that?!" I half laughed, half whispered. They just shrugged. "Is that what you guys do in Europe?! Geez!" I pondered, because, well, i was curious. But seriously what was up with these foreign exchange students?

"Well, I win!" Justin laughed to himself and to Halle.

"Good for you... I think?" I complimented as I shook my head.

My mind was too flustered to pay any attention to Mr. B, who was eyeing our group with questioning eyes. For good reason, too. "Do you have the answer, Rose?" My teacher asked me.

"Uhh... " I felt my cheeks become enflamed, and I look up to see 5x^5-6x^4+4x^2-x+17=0 staring back at me with a crisp black on white board, starkness. It seemed to mimick me.

I was drawing a blank, most likely due to the fact that I hadn't paid any real attention in this class since you started to pay attention to me on a regular basis.

"Do you need a minute, Rose?" Mr. B complied

"Uh, yes please!" I still hadn't a clue what the answer was.

Then, like a god send, Jillian turned to me for the first time all hour and briskly talked me through the steps and then the answer, which I gave then to Mr. B, who seemed pleased.

"Thank you!" I whispered to Jillian as she returned my thanks with a smile. She seemed happier.

And still you didn't say a word.

For the rest of the day I gathered bits and peices of what really happened between the two of you. As it turned out, Jillian decided to end things, because while you were funny, you were rude to her and sexist and she couldn't deal with your harsh words any longer. But you two were still friends.

This whole ordeal, for whatever reason, made me feel closer to her. It was as if you were some force that kept us from being friends. But with said force eliminated, there was just an easy peace between her and I. I had missed our friendship and was certainly happy to have it back.

.

It is now three days since this occurred, and you've changed.

In three days I don't know if it is a good thing, a change that is so sudden, but I can't say I don't enjoy the new you. You're much quieter, and very considerate. You don't come up to me in the halls and poke me or ruffle my hair. You don't make snarky comments when I voice my opinion and you don't call me "Noodele" or any other nicknames. You don't hug me or smile in my direction... Your eyes don't twinkle or gleam and your grins aren't as bright...

I wonder what Jillian said to you, when she ended things. Was it the truth, and could you not process it? Did you two fight? Did it give you memoreies? Did you make her cry, or did you feel bad at all? Did it make you think?  

With your sudden change of self, I find myself changing too.

Possibly.

Maybe I can learn how to forget again. Maybe I can start over.

Hopefully changing for the better,

Rose