The Girl You Never Noticed

Chapter 3:Reporting

Back to reality.

I'm in the world of learning again.

I'm in front of everyone, ready to speak, ready to share what I've got.  I'm the one who is assigned to be the reporter for today's lesson. What I'm feeling right now is unexplainable. My hands are cold. My knees are weak like I could not stand straight. My voice trembles with foreboding. I'm ready to speak in front but when I catch a glimpse of your face my world suddenly turn, my heart is pounding as if I had no energy to speak in front anymore.

Penelope: Good morning, classmates. My report for today is about Developing the Whole Person. Before I start my report, what comes in your mind when you hear the words Holistic Development?

No one raise their hand so I think they don't have any Idea.

Penelope : Guys? Girls? Who has an Idea?

No one answer. I roam my eyes and caught sight to one of our classmates who is not listening to my report. I decided to call him and ask the question I was asking a while ago.

Penelope: Kendrick, what comes in your mind when you hear the words Holistic Development?

Kendrick: Ahhmmm! Holy?

Penelope : Who has other Idea?

No one answer me again so I decided to start my Report.

Penelope : Besides no one had an Idea I think I should start my report. Okay. Holistic Development is a process of self-actualization and learning that combines an individual's mental, physical, social, emotional and spiritual growth. In order to understand what it means to perceive a person as a whole organism, I will discuss philosophical theories such as dualism and holism.

Then I continuously discuss my whole report.

I'm very happy because this time your attention is on me. You're interested to hear every word that came out of my mouth. Even if It means you're doing it because it is affiliated with your studies I can say that at this time what I'm feeling is odd happiness because even in little moment I got your attention. You awaken my slumbering heart. You built my ruined life. But I know that all of this is just momentary. Your every glance is just a borrowed moment.

I continue my report and try to focus on it. As I finished everything I needed to explain I decided to ask questions again to know if my classmates learn something in what I just teach.

Penelope : Classmates did you understand what I teach?

Classmates: Yes!

Penelope : Then what is Holistic Development?

Someone raise his hand. I roam my eyes inside this four cornered room and find out that YOU just raise your hand and you want to recite.

My heart begins to beat uncontrollably. My nervousness is killing my senses again. I start panicking but I try my best to hide it.  No one else wanted to recite so I decided to call you and speak what you've learn on MY report.

You say what's on your mind and I can't stop smiling 'coz I know you listen to me well.

In a snap everything changed.

In a snap my happiness becomes the opposite of it.

In a snap your attention wasn't on me anymore.

You stare at her very different. I was right from the very beginning that everything is just momentary. Haaaay! How delightful I was feeling a while ago is the twice of how hurtful the truth is, that you'll never ever notice me. You'll never ever love me as how I feel for you or even just liking me would never be on your vocabulary. Will my world break down again, my world that enfold with sadness and pain because of my secret feelings for you. 

Life won't be easy as how we think it would be. We'll never know what will happen next. We'll never know what it takes to live your life worth living for. In living a life expect the fact that happiness is always associated with sadness. Everything is temporary, absolutely momentary.