An American Promise (Book 2)

Chapter 19

Women are made to be loved, not understood.'

-Oscar Wilde

Emilia's growing affections came with a tumult of confusion and guilt. It made her unhappy and she wanted nothing more than to talk it over with someone, someone who could help and really understand.

Someone that wasn't Samuel.

Samuel had tried to help of course, but it wasn't the same. It was all very well for him to look understanding and tell her that he favoured Max, but Emilia wanted more than that.

She tried several times over the next few days to write a letter to June asking for advice but all of them ended up sounding feeble and pathetic; the quibbles of a young girl, not the kind of serious problems Emilia felt a 22 year old mother should be having. Also, never having met either of them, June would hardly be able to offer a fair judgment.

She concluded that this was just a conundrum that she would have to work out on her own. Meanwhile there were her regular duties as a mother and aunt to tend to. She let the matter of the Lewis brothers sit in the back of her mind until she came face to face with Fredrick on a morning walk, a week after the Whittaker party.

"Emilia," he looked quite startled to see her and smiled hastily.

"Max, nice to see you. You are well I trust?"
"Oh er, yes, very well thanks. How about you?"

"Well thanks, but is anything the matter? You seem awfully preoccupied."

"Oh yes, I'm fine, I really am, er, do you have time for a word?"

"Yes, yes of course."

"Not here, in private, your daughter and niece may obviously come but I'd like somewhere a little less exposed."

"All right then, yes, let me just get Lettie and Jane."

Puzzled, she called the children to her and a moment later they were walking down the road. Before long Fredrick pulled them into a small, virtually empty tearoom where they sat down,

"Emilia what I am about to tell you may shock you. Understand that I am telling you this in the most confidence. I trust you and that no one else will hear of this from you."

"Of course, anything you say will be safe with me," even more perplexed Emilia listened as he spoke.

"It is true that I have grown found of you over the past two years and yes, I did ask you for your hand in marriage but I was not entirely truthful. I asked you to marry me because I was scared that if I didn't marry I would be in danger and arrested." He looked around and, seeing there was no one to overhear them, continued. "You may have heard the term homosexual before?" She nodded, her stomach flipping over. "Well I am a homosexual and I have been questioned and very nearly accused. I had an affair with Alexander Perkins who you met and only recently broke it off. Just the other day I underwent a very nasty questioning by a police officer. And please, understand that I am not only asking you to marry me for my own sake, I do, after a fashion love you and there is no other girl I'd rather wed and if you love my brother and choose him I understand. I just thought everything should be out in the open." He said all this in a rush, a pained expression on his face.

"Before I give my answer, let me ask one question," she replied, looking at him in the eye for the first time since they sat down.

"Ask away and I shall answer truthfully."

"If Max hadn't kissed me, would you still me telling me this?" She looked at him searchingly, determined to find the truth.

"Now, before I answer, may I ask you a question?" He asked, a faint glitter of sardonic amusement in his eye.