Josh looked at me and smiled. He then sighed and looked at his phone.
"I guess I should be taking you home now."
"Em might worry so, I guess" I said looking down.
He helped me up and we walked outside. The coldness hit me and there weren't any pockets in the sweater so I started blowing on my hands to keep them warm. Josh must have noticed because he took one of my hands and interlaced his fingers with mine. I immediately felt warmer somehow. When I looked at him he looked at his feet like there was something important on his shoes. The walk was about 5 minutes to his house.
"You live this close to the venue?! That's sick!"
He laughed and nodded.
"Sort of, but I have to wait to go home so people don't find out where I live."
"Ah, guess I didn't think of it like that"
He grabbed his keys, unlocked the door and opened the passenger side for me. He is such a pure cinnamon roll. I thought to myself. I must have said it out loud without realizing because doubled over and laughed as he was closing my door. My face for red hot and I put my head in my hands. I heard his door shut and felt my phone buzz twice.
Em: Brad asked ME TO HANG OUT AGAIN!!!
Red:when you get embarrassed, you look cute 😂
I looked at him and he laughed some more. I texted Em back super excitedly and he looked at me with a questioning glance.
"Brad asked Em to hang out again"
"He seemed super excited to go poke mongo(😂)with her so I'm not surprised"
"I'm glad, she deserves to be happy"
"He does too"
In that moment I realized something. I said Em deserves to be happy but I thought of Josh as well when I said it. He deserves to be happy. The harsh voice in the back of my mind pushed itself forward.
You don't make him happy. You are just another fan. He won't even remember your name after tonight.
A tear slid down my cheek. The voice was right. Me being here doesn't make Josh any happier. He won't even remember me after he leaves. I felt a thumb wipe away the tear on my cheek. I quickly wiped my eyes of any residue of tears and put my head down. Josh then turned the radio off. Huh. I hadn't even realized it was on.
"It's okay to not be okay. You can cry. Be vulnerable for once. I'm here for you. You helped me in my time of need earlier, so I will try to help you." he said gently.
I told him my story. All of it. (TRIGGER WARNING) I had told him how I had wanted to end it all. Last summer was agonizing. I had no marks on my skin but I felt like I did. I told him how I almost did it. Every single detail slipped out of my mouth. He listened as he drove. About halfway through spilling the truth, he grabbed my hand because I was scratching at my nails. He laced his fingers with mine and I felt warm again. By the time I was done telling my story, my eyes betrayed me and tears were spilling over. I felt the car stop and realized we were at my house. I was the first to speak.(TRIGGER WARNING OVER)
"I'm sor-"
"Don't apologize. It is okay to talk about it."
I got out of the car and started walking toward the door and got my keys out. I heard another door shut, and my name being softly called. I turned around and Josh was walking towards me. He had his arms outstretched and I stepped into his warm arms. Very faintly I heard him whisper,
"I hear you, Kennedy"
After stepping out of his arms, I unlocked my door, went inside. I realized, he heard my story. All of it.
and I'll be missing you.
|-/
some of this is based off of my life. this chapter was kind of hard to write because of the truth in it. anyways, I'll keep the authors note short still. stay street
