All of me was ruined by you

Nothingness

It's been a week since I went and watched the State of Origin with Ryan.
Despite the burning sensation I felt within me I refrained from messaging him, I wanted to know he wanted me the way I wanted him. Without having to push him to make a move.

Days passed still with no contact, I Felt a pain in my chest that almost knocked the wind out of me every time I caught myself thinking of him.

Ryan had had currently dropped out of school, but before he moved we attended the same school throughout primary and high school.
He was fairly popular with girls and with the guys, he was the star footballer.
The one all the girls cheered on and the one who lead the team to victory countless times.

People viewed him as a cocky asshole, he always had to make comments and judgements on everything everyone did. But to me that was just him, he liked making people laugh and this was his way of achieving that.
Even if it meant bullying an innocent person.

People always warn you about people like Ryan. The boys who don't get nervous, the boys who can strike up a conversation with anyone about anything without thinking twice. They are so good at it because they've had practise. They know how to make a girl react.
They know how to stimulate someone into making the actions they want.

Call them what you want, a man whore, a fuck boy

But they know how to consume you and make you believe you are different

Make you believe that This time he is going to settle down

That this time he won't cheat because you are different

And I think that is what lead to my downfall

I believed him

Ryan was closed off, you could never tell what his emotions were, he kept them hidden.
Where as I am an open book, he read me, he studied me, he knew exactly how to manipulate me.
But of course I didn't know that then.

I sat at school on an outside table that me and my friends had claimed as ours. My friend josh sitting next to me, he watched as I constantly checked my phone.
Hoping
Praying that it would light up with a message
But it never did
Lunch was coming to an end and josh noticed I was agitated, so we went for a walk

I told him about Ryan, and the history, and everything that happened that night.
Without even questioning it he turned to me, with a glint of pain in his eyes and spoke

"Don't go there, that boy will break your heart he doesn't know how to treat girls"

But of course I laughed, brushed it off

And decided to take things into my own hands

I messaged him