Transformation [Niall Horan]

Chapter 1 - Sadness

(A/N) Dedication to BelWatson because she inspires me everyday :)

Devi's POV

When you're home alone and you're going through a rough time, a lt of things are tempting. You want to do terrible things to yourself. In my situation, I wanted to disappear.

I sat in front of the kitchen counter, my cheeks stained with tears. The bowl with spagetti that I had placed in front of me, has been placed inside of the refrigerator. I didn't want to eat. I didn't want to be fat. I wanted to be like all the girls at school, with perfect curves and perfectly clean faces. They were all flawless...

I walked out of the kitchen and ran upstairs. Dad should be home soon. I need to do my homework.

My mother got pregnant with me when she was only 15. My father was 16 back then, and didn't know how to take care of a small tiny baby like me. My mother wanted to get rid of me, she wanted to abort me so she could live her live as a teenager in peace, but my father disagreed completely. So they made a deal. She would give birth to me, and he would keep me. So that's what happened. I've never met my mother. All I know is that I remind my father of her every day. I remember asking him where mom was, and he would just change the subject by telling me it was bed time.

I could hear him cry through the thin walls that separated our rooms from each other.

I've stopped asking, but that doesn't stop the crying from coming every night...

* * * * * * * * * *

"Dev, you have to eat! Just because he says you shouldn't doesn't mean you shouldn't" My father said with a long sigh. I felt tears brim up again. I know what you're thinking.

You cry a lot.

I won't disagree with you there. I really do, my life is a mess and I don't want to be part of this mess any longer. I hate how Niall makes me feel like this and I still have this reckless crush on him.

Life is not fair I know.

"Dad, I'm so done being like this! I just want to disappear. Everyone at school calls me fatass. I'm the nerd, they only girl who still has acne! I don't use make up. I'm not perfectly skinny! He preffers them a whole lot more than me. He'd rather dive into an active volcano a thousand times than be near me" I whispered in between sobs, remembering every syllable I was saying.

"C'mon Dev! Don't be dumb!" Dad exclaimed, running a hand through my dark brown hair. I shook my head and sniffled.

"Dad he told me that just last week" I cried, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand. My father pulled me into a tight hug, kissing the top of my head repeatedly. I leaned my head on his shoulder, feeling the tears soak my cheeks and his plaid shirt.

"You're beautiful, my dearest daughter. He would be lucky to even have you" My father said, stroking away the salty tears that were soaking my already tear stained cheeks. 

My father always tells me this, that I will find someone better than Niall, someone who will actually return the feelings. But I don't feel like it will ever happen. If I can make it through this last year without killing myself I could maybe have a normal life for once. But there's still college, and people have told me that college is much worse than high school. I don't think I will make it through my life. When I turn 20, I will leave this place. This country. This hell.

"Have you been cutting again?" My fathers voice broke as he lifted up my wrist. His eyes examinated my arm as I tried to pull the black sleeve down again. The tears were already on full spill, guilt filled my being as I looked at my fathers young face. His green eyes scanned my wrist as I saw the tears start to run down his cheeks.