The Suicide Circle

Katell

Take a break from the storyline and take a look into the mind of Katellia Jacques.

Katell's POV

I can see it now.

What we've become.

This.

Who we are.

The Suicide Circle.

Suicide, a scary word.

Even scarier than the word love.

So much meaning in four letters.

Love.

It occurs when you feel so much.

Suicide.

It occurs when you feel none.

Scary, but I am not scared of anything.

Why, Katell, why? They ask.

Because they do not know.

And they will never know.

There is so much.

So much that no one will know.

Except for me.

I am so young.

And I have seen so much.

I've felt too much.

That is why I am here.

Where all my feelings are dissolved.

Into a bottle.

Onto a blade.

Blew out through smoke.

Until I can't feel anything anymore.

Some days I wish I could feel something.

But feeling is painful.

People look at me.

They judge me.

They look at me like I am a monster.

Because of how I look.

Because of the patterns on my body.

Because of what I do to myself.

The stamps on my collarbones,

the cuts on my wrists,

the emptiness in my eyes.

But I am not a monster.

I am just a girl.

What really is scary about me...

Is not how I look on the outside.

It is what's inside of me.

What's inside of me?

I do not know.

All I know is what I've longed for...

Happiness.

Does that exist?

In the minds of people,

who know the reality of this cruel world,

do they know such thing?

Such a thing...

as happiness.

That word.

That feeling.

Happiness,

the one thing in this world...

that really...

truly...

scares me out of my mind.