Poems

Deadly Memory

Hand shakes silently as I reach for the knob

Pull my hand back, I'm too weak to do it

Turn to walk away before I remember

I'm doing this for me, I'm doing this for you

Close my eyes and count slowly to ten

You taught me this trick to help my panic attacks

Peel my eyes open and glare at the wooden door

Too long this room has terrified me

Too long its given me nightmares

Slowly I reach for the knob again

Twist it as slowly as humanly possible and push

Now I stand in the darkened doorway

Is it just me or did it just get colder?

I reach for the light switch

As soon as I turn on the light, I close my empty eyes

Count to ten again before opening them

See my reflection in the mirror and frown

How long have I looked this sick?

Suddenly my eyes find what I came to see

My breathing quickens as I flash back to that day

When I was ten and opened the bathroom door

And saw you floating there in the red water

Dressed in your pretty little white dress

Now stained red from the water

Kitchen knife covered in dark red on the counter

Snapping back to reality, I realize I'm crying

Stuck here in an empty bathroom six years later

Stuck here wondering what I did wrong

Why I made you unhappy

And what a little girl could've done to have her mom say goodbye