Dark Green

Chapter 24

POV Quinn.

I don't know what to say. His last sentence has caught me off guard. Everything suddenly seems to fit, his attitude, every time he goes away without telling anyone, he has never mentioned his family... Perhaps all this is thing is the reason behind his behavious in addition to the fact that he doesn't want to look vulnerable in front of people.

"I am so..."

"No, don't say it" he cuts me before I finish the sentence.

I look at cramped my legs. I should have expected something like that when he said his mother is sick but I thought it could be less serious.

"I was going to threaten the doctor when I saw you going into the cafeteria, I was about to leave when you saw me"

Of course he would use violence to get what he wants.

"Why would you threaten the doctor?"

"He doesn't want to do a last diagnostic test to her, he prefers to end the treatment before doing it but I am sure she's getting worse"

I bite my lip to keep the tears from falling down my cheeks. This has been more shocking than I expected.

"We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to" I offer.

I don't want to force him to tell me he doesn't feel like saying. I have probably heard a lot more than he wanted to tell. In addition, it must already be too hard for him to live with this every day and even more talk about it with me.

"I want you to know " he shrugs.

Before telling me the story of his life, he takes a deep breath and focus his gaze on the floor under my watchful eye.

"When I was fifteen, I lived with my parents a couple of hours far from where I live now. I used to be a lonely guy. I locked myself for hours with my books and notes, reading, writing or doing whatever I wanted to. I never caused them troubles, I got very good grades and behaved well enough. For that and more, my relationship with my father was and is awful, to be honest. He expected me to be a popular, strong guy who plays in a football team and have all the girls. "He stops for a second to smile bitterly." If he could see me now, I guess he would be proud." He again stops to catch his breath. "I remember the day my mother told me she had cancer more clarity than I wish. The previous weeks, I had noticed her a lot different, she was weaker than ever and she got tired more easily. She was continually complained of pain but she insisted that it was nothing to worry about. I was sitting in bed with my notebook in hands when my mum entered the room. I knew something was wrong because she didn't dare to look at me in the face. She sat right next to me and took my hands tightly when she said she had a tumor and she would have to need chemotherapy. when she left me alone, I cried my fucking eyes out all night. She was my anchor, my support for everything and had th damn feeling that she was not going to survive this. That was the first and last time I've cried in my life." He stops again .

My resistance to oppress the tears is collapsing tears every time he talks. I want to cry, I really want to but it won't help him. Before proceeding, he clenches his fists and jaw line.

"In the most difficult months of chemotherapy, I went to the hospital with my mother and entertained her during the treatment. One day, she insisted that I need to go home and study because I had final exams. When I arrived, I heard noises upstairs so I went there thinking it could be a thief. I found my father with another woman in my mum's bed. I thought the rage running down my veins would make them explode. The worst of all is that it wasn't just an adventure, she was the fucking girlfriend, wife or whatever shit he had in New York for many years. His nose was the first one I broke in my entire life but he hit me back and left me a black eye for a while. I begged him to stay but the next morning, there was a divorce form in the kitchen table. My mother was completely destroyed, she had given her life to that man and she hoped he would be there for her in those difficult times. I think he didn't tell her the real reasons he left us which I knew but I decided not to say to her for a while. She still doesn't know the truth, I rather save the pain for her and let her rebuild her life again"