Chris' POV
He'll never love you.
He'll never love you.
He'll never love you.
I repeat this in my head; all day, every day, this is what I live my life by.
Because I can't handle him never loving me.
It's a pretty poor way of staying sane, but it works.
At least, it's working at the moment.
Surely it will work?
Surely I'll finally convince myself that PJ will never love me the way he loves Phil?
I doubt it will ever work completely.
You can't help who you love, they say, you can't help how much you love them.
They, whoever that is, was right.
But it hurts, it hurts a fucking lot. It hurts to know that I will love PJ unconditionally, no matter how much it is hurting me to know that he'll never feel the same way about me. Ever. Because he loves Phil.
Phil.
We were friends.
Were.
Maybe he still thinks I like him.
I told him everythingthing.
Every single fucking thing.
He knew how depressed I was becoming.
He knew how much I hated my appearence.
He knew how much I loved PJ.
And he still goes out with him; still becomes his boyfriend.
I wonder if he notices how distant I've become.
How much I despise him for hurting me like this.
He hurt me.
PJ didn't know how I felt.
Phil did tell me to tell him, but I didn't.
Was this my fault?
Would myself and PJ be together if I told him how I felt about him?
Or would he and Phil still be together?
Probably.
Me and Peej. Peej and Phil.
We would never be together.
Because I'm not as good-looking as Phil.
We would never be together, because I'm not as adorable as Phil.
We would never be together, because I'm not as popular as Phil.
We would never be together, because as hard as I try, Phil will always be the more popular, better-looking, more adorable, most fucking perfect out of us. And I'm not Phil.
He'll never love you.
He'll never love you.
He'll never love you.
I let a silent tear slip out of my eye as I realised that they didn't care about my existence, they didn't realise what was going on in my life.
I should get up.
Get out of my bed.
I've been here for over a day.
I don't get up to eat, what's the point of that? I'm never hungry.
I should at least make a video, put on a happy face and entertain because that's the only thing I'm good at.
But if PJ's not going to care, then why should I even try anymore.
I love my subscribers, don't get me wrong, but the only person I want to impress is PJ, and it's not like he cares about me anymore, so why bother?
I decide that there's no point in getting out of bed, so I don't.
He'll never love you.
He'll never love you.
He'll never love you.
And I believe it, but I don't stop hoping that one day he will.
Because even in my world of sadness and sleep, hope is still present.
Even if hoping that it will happen is driving me more insane than knowing it will never happen and being sad about it.
A/N OKAY SO I DON'T FEEL LIKE THIS ABOUT CHRIS AT ALL BECAUSE I LOVE EVERYONE EQUALLY AND I WANT TO STATE THAT THIS IS FANFICTION SO DONT HATE ME FOR MAKING IT SAD AND STUFF I'M SORRY THAT I'M AN ANGSTY LITTLE SHIT K.
Thank you for reading and stuff, please continue you perfect people. Love chu all k! Free cookies for everyone who comments or votes ;)
Imma go now kay bai <3
xxx
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Imperfections, YouTube fanfiction
FanfictionLove is a tricky thing. Loving someone who won't ever, can't ever love you back. Loving someone unconditionally. Not having anyone loving you. With shipping disagreements having the ability to start a war, what do the YouTubers do? (I don't know...
