(It's okay) if you don't remember

Saturday - Part 1

More often than not, this was what a night out ended up like - with Clarke passed out on the couch and Lexa debating whether she would live to regret that night or not. Although, she didn't mind taking care of the blonde, it was the fact that Clarke seemed to disregard everything and make sure she ended up like that. They had talked about it many times, Lexa had tried to talk about it, but every time the subject of the blonde's behaviour came up she put up a wall. Normally the green eyed girl could get around that, although not that. After all the years of turning to substitutes for distraction Lexa knew what desperation look like, even when it didn't have a face, she could detect the smallest of changes, particularly in her best friend. Which was why she had continued to try and understand where the blonde's lack of care for herself came from. In all other aspects of life Clarke took extremely good care of herself and made sure others did so as well, but all of that would evaporate once they had a night out.

Lexa could wrap her mind around it and her gut hinted that she wouldn't want to do so.

With a sigh the green eyed girl took another step into the living room, those eyes fixed at least the blonde laid sloppily over the couch partly on her stomach. Even like that, drunk and miserable, she was the most beautiful thing Lexa had ever laid eyes on. When Raven came over to stand next to her, eyes too fixed at the blonde, Lexa didn't bother to look away. Too tired to hide the emotion burning in her gaze. Or just aware of the fact that her features were hard to see in that dimmed light.

"Do you want some help with her?", the other girl asked and Lexa shook her head slowly.

"It's okay. I got it". She could feel the tiger girl shifting and once she looked over to her a dark brown gaze meet her. It was the way Raven looked at her that made her cheeks flash ever so slightly. Instead of commenting on it, the brown eyed girl only turned her attention back to the blonde. They stood there for a while, until Raven nudged her shoulder and went back the way she came.

Sometimes Lexa got the impression that the brown eyed girl knew. Perhaps not the full extent, but enough to understand that bringing it up to the surface would only cause pain. "Hey Raven", she called after the other girl who stopped in her tracks and turned around. "I like her".

Octavia had truly made a good impression and Lexa could see why her friend had fallen for her.

"I do too", Raven admitted while blushing. The brown eyed girl waved her goodbye, leaving Lexa once more with the blonde still passed out on the couch.

Love is weakness, she reminded herself. Loving her was asking for misery.

Lexa wandered over to the couch, careful not to step on any cups or empty bottles. Once she stood by the blonde's side she could feel her heart; how it beat a little harder. It caused her cheeks to flush red and in that moment she didn't care too much about it considering the fact that no one was around and the other girl was totally out of it. Lexa laid her hands on the blonde's back and carefully shook her. There was no reaction, so she pulled away the blonde curls covering that scrunched up face of her best friend and shook her once more.

"Fuck off", the blonde mumbled with a breath heavy with alcohol.

Lexa laughed quietly while hooking her arms under the blonde's arms. "You're living up to your party animal reputation". With a little struggle she got the blonde to let herself be lifted, she grunted of course, but Lexa didn't bother with it as she lifted the other girl of the couch and then instructed her to lean her weight on her.

She made haste way for the car, very well aware of the fact that the blonde was going to fall back asleep the moment they stopped for more than seconds on their way out. She was right because as soon as she had helped Clarke into the car, whom mumbled something about not being thatdrunk, the blonde fell right back asleep.