The One

Another life

I woke in the morning expecting to see Dan sleeping next to me. Then a sharp knife got stuck in my chest when I remembered what has happened. All I can do is cry and cry.

People keep texting me saying that they are sorry for the loss. SHUT UP , YOUR SORRY ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE ANYTHING AND.... He is ...dead. That thought is slowly killing me...

After one day of constanly crying and screaming from the pain, I have finally decided to contact Daniel's family to see their plans for the funeral. I am his wife, I should be the one planning it, but I am not in shape for that.

"Hello" I say trying not to break down on the phone

"Hello my dear, how are you feeling? I know it's hard for you right now. "  she says clearly unsure of what to say

"I don't even know how I feel anymore. I am heartbroken. I never even expected this to happen this soon. He said he would love me forever, but I didn't know that forever could of been served by. I wish I could've saved him."  I said and I could feel a hot tear streaming down my cheek.

" Honey... I don't know what to say but I am sure that Dan wouldn't want you to feel this way" she said with a concerned voice

" Maybe. " I said trying to change the subject slightly

" I was just calling to find out the details about the funeral and if you need help just let me know. I probably should be the one doing this, but I just don't think I am strong enough for this."   I said bitting my lip to stop myself from breaking down.

"oh no honey, don't worry about that. Everyone is understanding, you lost the love of your life and it's not easy to face that. The funeral is this Friday. I was thinking if you could maybe do a speech if you want to" she said and I can feel that she wants me to do this speech and as she is already doing so much for me I had to agree.

As I put my phone down I broke down again. I never even thought I would ever do a funeral speech for Dan I don't even know what to say. I picked up the pen and paper and tried to write down something. there was barely anything written but the paper was soaked from tears.

I have one day to prepare myself for this horrible day. it's the first time that I am going out in the world of people in what seems to be forever. Even the word forever reminds me of him and how I thought that we would be together forever.

The day before funeral has went by so quickly. I just need some sleep to cover up my black circles from lack of sleep and food. I feel very nervous about this. I kiss Dan's picture that is on my nightstand and try to sleep.

                                                                                     ***

So here is the day that I was dreading the most. I put on a plain black dress and put some make up to cover all the damage that I have done to myself. I picked his guitar and ordered a taxi.

As I arived at the venue, there were many people and they all were looking at me giving a sympathetic look. I tried to just ignore my nerves and walked in to spot Dan's mother. I never realized how much Dan looked like her.

She gave me a hug and everyone started to take a seat and before I knew it, it was my time to talk. I stood up and walked up to the microphone, took a deep breath and started.

" For me, Daniel was love of my life, my soul mate and my best friend. He was the best son, the best brother that his sister who always looked up to him , the best friend to everyone that knew him, the best nephew and lastly but not least he was one of the best singers out there. I remeber on our first date he sung to me and it was the best song that I ever heard. So in his Honer I would like to sing his song to you. "

When I look into your beautiful eyes

I don't think I need anything else

You make me smile

Like nobody did before.

I will love you forever

and you'll always be in my heart

No matter where I am

Please remember I will always be there for you

when you need a shoulder to cry

I will be there for you

even when you won't see me

my spirit will be with you

I will love you forever

and you'll always be in my heart

No matter where I am

Please remember I will always be there for you

You make me feel alive

you make me feel loved

I want you to feel that way too

No matter where I am

I will love you forever

and you'll always be in my heart

no matter where I am

please remeber I will always be there

I'll be there

The rest of the day has been more of the blur to me. I came home and I felt very ill. I decided that it was because of lack of food.

Gemma decided to cheek on me and when she seen me she was so worried. I don't remember much after that. I remeber waking up in hospital bed and Gemma was next to me.

When the doctor walked in she told me that she has good and bad news. I can't even think of any good news that could be out there.

" You are pregnant!" she says with a big smile.

"I am what?" I say not believing her.

" You are one month pregnant, however, the bad news is that as due to the lack of nutrition that you had, we will need to keep you in hospital for some time to make sure that you and your baby are safe. " she says smiling at me

I feel tears in my eyes as I remember how Dan always wanted to have a daughter and how he said he will protect her no matter what.

I found my hope now. When I lost Dan andI wanted to die at that moment . I didn't want to be without him. I was even thinking of the darkest thoughts possible. But now... Now there is a little life inside of me who needs me. who needs somebody to care for him or her.

I will try to give my child everything that is in my power. I will tell him or her what an amazing Dad they would of had and when little Dan or Danni will be old enough I will tell how me and Dan met and how they kept me going when I was on the edge

*

Take Amy's story as a lesson. finding the one it's hard but losing them is harder. if you trully love them just go and tell them that because you never know what an unexpected turn life will give you.

                       THE END