Chronicles Of Narnia: True Love

Ch. 1 Hidden Feelings

We are on the train and Lucy gave me her stuffed animal cause she saw I was upset at Leaving mother. I was a bit nasty to her but it was either that or holding her and not letting go. Yes I have feelings for my little sister I don't know what they are I just know that they aren't the way a brother should feel for his little sister. I started feeling different towards her last year when I was ten and she was 7. We had been talking and we started tickling each other. Suddenly her laughter sounded like music and her laughing grin took my breath away. Without warning she hugs me and it feels good. But when I started picturing what it would be like to kiss her soft lips. I push her away and run wondering what in the world that was. The following days I tried to still be the brother she needed but the strange feelings grew so I distanced myself from her. It was hard cause we had been so close. I had to hurt her to get her to keep distance. I hated myself for it and I still do Every time I hurt her. Hurting her hurts me. I know she is confused and she must feel like I hate her but that's a lie. How I treat her the lie the truth I don't know but everything I say and do I mean the opposite. I wish I knew why I feel these confusing feelings about her and why time only makes them stronger. Lucy had chosen to sit across from me next to Susan since I was a bit mean to her.

My treatment of her has caused her to seek out our fourteen year old sister more and more. I hate it but I have to deal with it while I'm figuring out my feelings for her and what I'm supposed to do about it. I just hope that one of these days I won't hurt her beyond what I can fix. I sigh and look out the window wishing things weren't so complicated. I can feel Lucy looking at me. I know she is missing me and is wondering why things are the way they are now. I miss her too if only I could tell her without my feelings making things that much more complicated.

Later

It's been a few days and we are all bored and being confined In a house with my three siblings and literally sleeping next door to Lucy. Our beds are literally along the same wall just on opposite sides of it. My dreams of her happen every night now and though they are sweet and no where near as graphic as the dreams that Peter has had of girls, I have had to wank off. I don't know why. I still have no idea what they are. All this is taking its toll on me. And it's made me more cross. Which made me lash at Lucy when she was giving me a hug. I pushed her off. She hit the ground hard. But I yelled at her. I hated myself before I saw her tears. She got up and ran off. I punched the wall wanting to cry myself. Now Susan is making us all play that boring dictionary game where she tells us a words meaning and we have to say the word then spell it. I know that after the fifth round the only one having fun is Susan.

I'm under this table thing and Lucy is at the window sill seat looking out at the rain. She looks so sad and I feel so bad. Cause I know I'm the reason she is so sad. And I know she didn't tell on me or else Peter would have scolded me as he usually does. So she kept this to herself. She has done this before. She wants to protect me even though I don't deserve it. I don't even know why she does it I just wish she wouldn't it makes my confusing feelings grow.

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Lucy's POV

I don't understand Edmund! Why does he treat me this way?! He has made me to be the liar twice. I understand why he wouldn't believe me about Narnia the first time. But the second time I went to Narnia he was their. I don't understand this. We were once so close. I was closest to him over Susan and Peter. And I love him the most. What happened?! I don't understand why he hates me so much. He makes me cry more often then not I don't understand at all. Now we are all in Narnia and we found out we are meant to fulfill a prophecy. But Edmund still under he lure of the white witch has betrayed us. I cry again. And my friend Mr. Tumnus was captured by the white witch. Im worried about him and Edmund. The white witch will betray whatever she promised Edmund I know it. Right now Susan, Peter and I are heading to the battle camp to prepare to fight for Aslan and for Narnia. We run into Father Christmas who gives me a dagger and a cordial that is filled with some kind of healing stuff. Susan got a magic horn and a bow and arrows. Peter got a sword and a shield. I wonder what Edmund would have got if he was with us.