Product of a Murder

Dark Night of the Soul

 "Tonight I can write the saddest lines. I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too."                   - Pablo Neruda

In all honesty...I couldn't make sense of what I had become..not even if I tried. After the first taste of tea that he brought to me, darkness soon took care of me after like a babysitter. Darkness would be my only friend, I assume, since it welcomes me more than humanity ever has..truly I shouldn't think that way, though. William has always been there, but will he be there after this? What was happening? How in the hell could Hannibal be so tricky, so sly to drug us without us even noticing? 

It felt like I was falling through air that was thick...too thick yet not water. Was I dead? Could he have ended my life as quickly as he had saved it ?  It was a strange feeling, and if I were dead why would I be falling? Was I a damned soul? 

The more I tumbled into the welcoming darkness the more I felt all sense and moral slip away, I began to feel numb and cold like the many corpses I examined. Funny, how all of this was, it was like a dream yet it felt so real, so painful. The more numb I became the more I ached for feeling, I ached for love...for sorrow. I ached to the point that my very heart felt like it was about to burst into a billion pieces. I couldn't see, yet I could breathe. 

It seemed like forever before I stopped falling, I couldn't feel the ground yet I knew I had stopped because the dim light that shone through the darkness from underneath a door. The light seemed to flicker back and forth in a teasing way...taunting me like a butterfly to a toddler just learning to walk. I fumbled forwards somehow finding my feet, which I still couldn't feel, and I opened the door. Light jumped at me, blinding me from the darkness, the lighting cast a mysterious golden glow throughout the room. It's source was candles that lined around a piano which sat in the very middle of the room. The piano was a solid inky black, a beautiful black that glistened with power and enchantment. Feeling began to come back to me in the form of pins and needles that started in my toes and fingers. But my heart, oh my, the pain was unbearable but it was soothed by the music that escaped the grand piano.

Because what sat at the piano was a man that I could not recognize, no, I couldn't even remember any men in my life...there's a strange feeling that I once knew but my mind had simply forgotten at that moment, I suppose. This man sat in perfect posture, yet he swayed with the music as his nimble fingers danced across the keys. He was dressed in a satin black, his dark brown hair combed back against his head in a neat fashion. Even without seeing his face, I knew his eyes were shut as he poured his emotions out. It was so beautiful, so beautiful that it took the pain away and whisked me closer. At first, I moved slowly towards him because the pain spreading throughout my body was hard to control. But through that time as I noticed the small things hidden throughout the room the pain had begun to fade away. Everything was abstract, morbid in a gorgeous way as I noticed more and more. The candles showered off enough light to bring attention to what I was wearing. 

Never before have I seen anything so beautiful than what I saw then. The dress was something you'd see in a fairytale. Something far more expensive than I'd ever had, and often thought I would never have. Thanking the fact that the feeling had come back to my hands, I felt the fabric of the dress and smiled. It was so soft, soft like silk and it glowed from the light. It felt like something an angel would wear. I noticed how it clung to my torso in a pleasant manner yet nothing more than something a bride would wear to her wedding. It was the perfect amount of everything and at the same time, it was modest. Lace and jewels hugged my upper section making the halter top see through right as it reached my upper chest to neck section. I swooned at the dress, twirling to watch the bottom ruffle out and twirl enchantingly. 

The music continued to play as I caught myself twirling in the reflection of the nearby old Victorian Mirror that stood as tall as the wall itself and rounded out perfectly. There were mirrors on either side of the wall placed in a balanced way. I looked far more different than I thought I would. I twirled again, watching the dress cascade against my legs and my hair which was pulled up half way with more jewels, dance alongside my form. It was a beautiful moment that I couldn't help but dance. Dance alongside the music that blossomed from this man, in the center of the room, this man with a passion. A broken soul.