I'm So Sorry For Falling In Love With You

Ch1 - Regret

Walking home was painful.
Jeff fought back tears the entire way back, avoiding the worried gazes of passing strangers.
It was almost sundown when he reached his apartment, the click of the lock echoing through the rooms, reminding Jeff how alone he is.
He slumped behind his door and slid down to the cold floor, finally breaking down, letting his tears flow and sobs tear through the silence.

It took Jeff a while to calm down, he ended up wrapping himself in a blanket and sitting on the couch for a few hours.
He looked up at a clock on the wall.
It was late.
He was tired, his eyes hurt from crying and his chest felt impossibly heavy.
He took the opportunity of feeling at least a little calmer to rerun the events of this afternoon.

It was a day like any other. Jeff and Austin were playing games, warming up for a recording of PB&Jeff.
At one moment, Jeff cracked a dumb joke and Austin laughed just a bit too hard, leaning forward and nearly falling over, grabbing onto Jeff's thigh to steady himself.
Jeff's mind immediately shut down at that moment and he looked down at Austin, who was still laughing.
Austin straightened up and looked at Jeff, smiling widely. There was a gleam in his eyes Jeff mistook for something else and he got a sudden boost of confidence, leaning towards Austin, his eyes falling shut just in the right moment to miss Austin's confused, terrified expression.

And that was it.

The memory of what happened after brought Jeff to tears again and he started heaving, burying his face into the blanket to stiffle the loud cries escaping his throat.

He cried himself to sleep.

Jeff awoke in the middle of the night, still tired but restless.
He stared at the ceiling for a while before pulling out his phone, the brightness of the screen stinging his eyes.
With shaky fingers he unlocked the phone and opened the messaging system.

"Austin Hargrave"

The last message was Austin confirming the recording session with a smiling and thumbs up emoji.
It made Jeff feel sick.
He began typing, having to retype the message several times before he was sure it was written correctly.

"I'm so sorry for falling in love with you."

...

He never sent it.