I'm So Sorry For Falling In Love With You

Ch4 - Forgiveness

Days passed, and Jeff still hadn't contacted anyone.
Guilt was eating Austin up from the inside out like acid, paranoia nesting in his mind.
He had been checking his phone compulsively for the entire week, his hopes flying high each time he got a notification.
He was sitting at his desk one evening when his phone sounded with the notification ringtone.

It was a text from Jeff.

Austin nearly fell over grabbing his phone, unlocking it hastily and checking the text.

"please come over"

That was it.
The message was vague, a simple request, but something about it gave Austin an uncomfortable feeling.
It felt...urgent.

"On my way."

He responded while walking to the front door, throwing on a jacket as he closed the door behind himself.
He practically jogged over to his car, tires screeching as he drove away.

Millions of questions and possible scenarios raced through Austin's mind, unbearable concern looming over him like a shadow.

"Just let him be okay."

He whispered to himself, his chest tightening the morr closer he got to Jeff's apartment.

"Just let him be okay."

He parked in front of Jeff's place, looking up at the door and taking a few deep breaths.
He exited the car and walked up to the door, knocking a few times.

No response.

He shifted in place uncomfortably and rang the bell. Once. Twice.

No response.

He twisted the doorknob slowly, the door opening with ease.
Jeff never left the door unlocked.
Austin's heart sunk and he walked into the apartment, shutting the door behind himself.

"Jeff..?"

He called out, his voice quieter than he intended it to be.
He cleared his throat and spoke again, a bit clearer.

"Jeff? Are you here? Is everything alright?"

He looked around the hallway, slowly walking over to the living room, his heartbeat slamming rapidly.
It was quiet.
He turned his gaze to the couch, a weight falling off his chest.
Jeff was there, leaning against the back of the couch, knees pulled up to his chin.
Austin approached him slowly, noticing his light shaking.
Jeff didn't lift his head to look at Austin when he started talking.

"I wanted to relapse."

Austin's heart sunk and he got closer to Jeff, unsure of what to say.
He sat down next to Jeff, staring at the coffee table.

"I'm sorry." he sighed, closing his hands on his lap.

"I'm sorry too." Jeff responded quietly, his voice hoarse.

"I shouldn't have pushed you away."

"I shouldn't have kissed you."

Austin froze. How was he supposed to tell Jeff about his true feelings?
He took a deep breath, leaning back.

"It's alright."

Jeff sunk lower into his seat.

"You don't have to forgive me just because I told you I wanted to cut."

"It's not because of that. I'd still forgive you."

"..Why?"

There it was.
Austin bit his lip, avoiding looking at Jeff.

"I...I didn't push you away because I was mad."

There was a pause.

"I was afraid."

Another uncomfortable pause.

"Of what?" Jeff asked, a barely audible hint of anger and betrayal in his voice.

"Of you."

Austin looked up at Jeff, noticing his confused, sad expression.

"I was afraid because...I didn't want to admit I might actually like you as well, even though I knew you liked me, so I ignored you and pushed you away and I'm so sorry this is all my fault, I shouldn't have been so rough on you because the truth is I actually have feelings for you but I was too afraid to admit anything and I'm so so sorry I made you upset and caused you all this pain I'm such an idiot I'm so s-"

Austin was interrupted by Jeff hugging him tightly.

"I forgive you."

Tears pricked at Austin's eyes and he hugged back, burying his face into Jeff's shoulder.

Austin could feel Jeff's heart beating against his own and he smiled, pulling Jeff closer.

They stayed like that for a while, Jeff relaxing after a few minutes, his breaths becoming deeper and evening out.
He fell asleep.

Austin tried to shuffle away but Jeff had a vice grip on him, pulling Austin down with himself until they were both laying down, Austin's face pressed against Jeff's chest.
Austin was blushing wildly, Jeff's even heartbeat thumping loudly into Austin's ears.

He sighed a bit, shifting so he could relax completely.
There was obviously no way out of Jeff's bear hug, so he might as well get comfortable.

Jeff's heartbeat and warmth were calming, and Austin started feeling a haze of drowziness creeping up on him.
He snuggled into Jeff's chest, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes.

Austin and Jeff would have to talk through some things later, but for now, everything was alright.