Part 18

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This part follows the third book... as in Finnick is dead. You've been warned. 

"Mommy."

Annie was still in bed. She looked at the clock on her bedside table and groaned when she saw it was only six. On a Sunday. "Caspian, go back to sleep, sweetheart. Come here."

He jumped on her bed, which was far too big for her now that Finnick was gone. It had been five years already and his absence still weighed down on her. She pulled her son closer to her; his soft, coppery hair brushed against her cheek, he wrapped his smooth, tanned arms around her own. Caspian was a smaller version of Finnick, and she couldn't decide if that made things better or worse.

His hand was curled up in a fist and she realized he was holding something in his hand. "Cas, what do you have there?" He looked away and spread out his fingers. She gasped and took the bracelet from his hand. It was the one Finnick had worn during his first Games as a token. She had made it for him more than ten years ago. "Where did you find this?" she asked.

He wiped a tear from his face. "I found a box in the study, I'm sorry, I know you don't want me to go in there." She sighed and kissed the top of his head. They never went into study, it was full of books and papers and stuff they never used. Some of it was Finnick's stuff, which she'd put in there because she hadn't had the heart to throw it out.

"It's okay, you're not in trouble."

"Is that your bracelet, Mommy?" he asked, taking it back from her and slipping it over his own arm. She smiled and adjusted it on his wrist though it was still too big.

"No," she whispered. "It was your father's." He perked up at the mention of his dad. She'd talked about Finnick before, though Caspian didn't ask very often. She suspected it was because he saw how sad it made her to talk about him.

"Mommy?" his face was scrunched up into a frown. "Mommy, why did Daddy leave us?" His question caught her off-guard.

"Honey, Daddy didn't leave us." Caspian shook his head and buried his head in the crook of her neck. "No, Cas. I've told you before that Daddy passed away, remember? He was very brave, but soldiers die sometimes..."

"But why did he have to go fight in the stupid war?" His eyes were moist with tears now, and so were hers. She'd asked herself that same questions many times, but she knew it wasn't fair.

"You'll understand some day, baby." He shook his head as if he didn't believe her.

"You always say I'm like him, but I would never leave you." She chuckled halfheartedly and wiped the tears from his face.

"You look just like him. You talk just like him."

He looked sadly at his bracelet. "I wish I could know him like you do."

"Then ask," she shrugged. "What do you want to know?"

"What was his favorite color?" he wondered. It was such a silly question that it made her smile.

"Blue."

"Like me!" he laughed. "And his favorite animal?"

"Dolphins. We'd see a few every now and then when we went out in his boat."

"I want to see a dolphin, Mommy! What was his favorite food?"

"Guess," she giggled and kissed his nose.

"Ice cream?" Annie nodded and Caspian laughed. He seemed pleased with her answers, and she was almost ready to fall back asleep when he spoke up again. "Did he love you a lot?" Annie smiled thought about it for a second. "Finnick and I... yeah, we both loved each other very very much." Cas smiled and shrugged. "Then Daddy and I are just the same because I love you a lot too."

Annie laughed and cried and hugged her son tightly. He squealed and tried to break free from her embrace. "Mommy, let me go," he chuckled. She finally loosened her grip on him and he kissed her cheek. "Can you tell Daddy that I'm sorry?"

"Why are you sorry, Sweetie?" she wondered. "You have nothing to be sorry about."

"Because I was mad at him. Because I thought he left us." Annie ran her fingers though his soft hair like she had done with Finnick many times. "But he didn't." He wrapped his fingers around Finnick's bracelet and closed his eyes; he was asleep less than a minute later. 

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