A World Together

Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

Stella

Sleep is one of the few things I look forward to now. A fleeting escape from reality where I'm transported someplace else, someplace nicer. Dreams are careless, but they never last long. By the time your head hits the pillow it's all over in the blink of an eye and you're forced back into a world you wish never existed.

I can't remember what I was dreaming about last night. I think I was at the coast again, walking along the beach. Yellow sand, soft and warm beneath my feet is what stays with me. Whether that's from the dream or from a memory I'm not sure. Whichever one it is, I decide to hold on to it for a while longer.

This feat quickly proves impossible however. My feet are cold, and the chill has sapped away any memory or dream of warm sand. Despite the sun rising over an hour ago, the motel room is freezing. I fell asleep above the blankets, and only now do I roll myself into them. By the time I've managed to leech warmth from the sheets the dream of a distant beach is already long gone.

I begin to doze off, to try and chase the dream when there's a knock at the door. The sound is soft, but for some reason it manages to frighten me. I'm still jumpy from what happened at the hotel, that much is clear. For that very reason I've avoided all thoughts of the experience, because repressing problems is easier than confronting them. So I roll over and bury myself deeper in the sheets, making no move to answer the door because I know whoever it is will undoubtedly want to talk about what happened.

They knock again, wait several moments, and then I hear the patter of footsteps leading away from my room. I'm being selfish, but the idea of talking to any of them right now is something I don't think I can stand. Not to mention I'm still uncertain of how I feel about having them along at all. The whole reason I left them was because I didn't want them risking their lives for me. Now, with the bus gone, there's no other option.

Although I'd be lying if I said I wasn't somewhat relieved to have them. Selfish, again, because I know that there's nothing for them to gain by coming with me. But there's no point in agonizing over the same moral dilemma that resulted in my leaving them. They've made the decision now, and if that decision results in something bad, then I can at least rest easy knowing that I tried to do the right thing.

Ugh, I sound like Logan, I think. Disentangling myself from the sheets and moving to sit on the edge of the bed, a thought strikes me. Is that a bad thing? I don't have to think long before concluding that it will be if I'm not careful.

I sit on the edge of the bed for awhile longer, pulling my boots on and thinking everything over until my stomach begins to turn with hunger. Searching the room doesn't take long and I'm not surprised when I don't find anything edible. So I move to investigate the bathroom instead. There's a tube of toothpaste that I find in the cabinet. Squeezing some of it out on my finger, I proceed to rub it over my teeth. I don't know how effective it will be, but I've been having toothaches for awhile now and I figure this will be better than nothing.

I'm so focused on my cleaning that I almost miss the returning knocks on the door. At first the sound grates me, but then I realize how long I've ignored them already and how much time I've wasted. The sooner we get back on the road the sooner I can put everything behind me. When I open the door I'm surprised to find Rocket. I expected Logan. She attempts a smile, but the mere sight of her has me drowning in guilt and I'm unable to smile back. It's her hair, although faded and flat, its orange color drags me back to the memories I've been avoiding. Before I even have a chance to look away Jacob's face is flashing in my mind and I begin to feel sick.