Secret Crush

8

Kristie 

I am smiling like an idiot right now. 

I can't stop thinking about her. The moment we shared earlier is like the best experience of my life. Well, that and holding her close. I miss her already. I giggle at how stupid I sound right now, as I enter my house. I find Sam working on the kitchen's table, so I decide to join her. I grab my school things and sit in front of her. 

She doesn't even bother to look at me. 

"So, you and Steph... ?" she asks in a neutral tone. 

"Me and Steph what ?" I say, bitter. 

"Are you guys a thing now ?" Sam asks, pissed that I'd respond to her like that. 

I throw a quick look at her, before going back to tidying my school stuffs. My sister looks at me. Of course she knows me. 

"No." I hesitantly say. "I mean, I'm not really sure..." 

"I swear if you play with her feelings I will end you" Sam immediately says, throwing a despising look at me. 

"I won't"I say, and it sounds more like a promise. 

I really do love her. That's not the problem. I know people would accept me for who I really am - at least my closest friends. But with the finale in two days, I have to focus on a lot of things, and since Stephanie is quite a distraction, I have to ignore her for a short period of time. This isn't making me happy, but I have to do it. For the good of the team. 

Sam looks at me from the corner of her eyes, as she is cutting carrots. 

"Mom and dad are coming to the final" she says, focusing on her work. "And Steph's family too. I guess the whole college will be here. We better not screw everything up"

I don't know how to understand her comment. Is it a threat ? I glare at her, waiting for her to add something. But she doesn't. 

"We will try our best" I assure her. I then frown. "Did you, like... Told anyone about Stephanie and I ?" 

She lets a small laugh out of her throat, and finally looks up. "Of course not. This is your relationship, not mine." 

"I appreciate that" I murmur. 

She smiles at me, before getting out of the room. I am confused right now. 

°

Syd is sitting in front of me. We are with some friends of ours - like, a group of twelve people or so - waiting for class to resume. When I see Steph coming near us, my heart immediately begins to beat faster. What if she thinks we're official ? What if she tells everyone ? Those thoughts make me stand up. 

Steph greets everyone, before looking at me. I see hesitation in her eyes, as her hand in looking for mine. I try to make her understand that it isn't happening. I pulled my hand away from hers, even though I want to hold it so bad. 

"Don't" I hiss, too silently for anyone else to hear. 

I see the pain in her eyes, and also her face closing a little bit. I punch myself in the inside, as I see her frown. 

"I should've known that" she murmurs, before turning around and walking away from me. I sigh, before catching up on her. I grab her arm, and she immediately turns around. Everyone is now looking in our direction. "I should've known you cared about your reputation more than you cared about me" she points out. 

"Stephanie, I-" I try to say, but she pushes me away. 

"Don't ever talk to me again !" she yells, before waking away from me again. And this time, I can't go after her. 

I see thirty eyes locked on me, as I am sitting down again. Syd sees that I need my best friend now. I also see Sam from the corner of my eye, running after Stephanie. I am heartbroken. What have I done ? I slept with her, for God's sake ! Of course she expected us to be in a relationship, that's logical ! I then begin to cry, as Syd expels everyone else remaining on that table. My friends just look at me, confused, before going away. 

Syd then takes my hands in hers. 

"Kristie" she says softly. 

"I told her I loved her" I cry, hiding my face with my hands. "I had sex with her." I then let out, and I don't even need to look up because I know Syd has got this surprised face right now, and probably is confused. "God, I hate myself". 

"Did you... mean it ?" Syd asks carefully. That causes me to look up. 

"Uhn ?" 

"Did you mean it when you told her you loved her ?" she explains slowly, and her eyes are so protective that it makes me wanna cry again. 

"Yes" I whisper, crying my heart out. "I just pushed her away...  screwed up big time, didn't I ?" 

She nods, and I wipe my tears. 

"I think we should go shopping" my best friend then says with confidence. 

"I really don't feel like it..." I argue. 

"Oh, trust me, it'll do you good. Remember this time when that old creepy guy was trying on freaking lingerie ?" 

I burst out laughing. This is one of the best memories I have of our long shopping trips. We use to do this for Syd when she's sad, but I have to admit that it really is a therapy. I look at her, and see the smile on her lips. 

"Oh God, I will always remember your face" I say, laughing. 

Syd looks at me, still holding my hands. She really is like a second sister to me - no offense to Sam, because even if we fight a lot, we still are very close sisters - and I am so glad to have someone like her in my life. But that life isn't complete without a certain brunette. And I know I couldn't have her back. Not like this. 

My smile fades away, as Syd sighs. 

"Let's win this final" she says. "And then, you'll win your girl back".