Throughout the Years: The person I'm becoming to be

Grade 9

When starting Grade 9, I was so excited to have fewer classes throughout the day and to finally be free from Asshole's agonizing torture. Grade 9 brought new friends that year and also pain to me.

That year I was in the same first period as most of my friends. At my high school, we didn't get to pick our lockers, we were assigned to the lockers near our first period of the first semester. So when lunch came around, my friends and I would go to this nook near our Guidance counselors office. We would sit there and talk about random stuff; crushes, things we saw on social media, or what we did the night before.

Hazel Eyes was in most of my classes throughout that whole school year. I would usually catch my eyes looking towards him; I still do to this day. It just that he is the first guy that made me forget about reality and made me feel that I was important in this materialized world. But when my Uncle had died, he became a beacon of hope, which I had none of. The reason is my aunt (the one that got into the crash and Dramatic's mom) kept giving me false intentions and promises, for years, that she wouldn't keep. Whenever I got excited about something, the opposite was always the same; whether it was my parents or my extended family.

During lunch, the group that I had usually hanged with, would walk around the school after we'd finished our lunch. Sometimes if it was nice out we would go around the entire school.

At our high school, we have a Grade 9 day that introduces the freshmen to the high school environment. There were activities that included teamwork skills, cooperation, and many more. There was this activity that involved climbing and upper body strength (which I do not have!), and it took a few other people to help me get up.  

When it was close to Christmas Break, my friend, a person I considered being an older sister, convinced me to go to the Winter Formal. She was either in Grade 11 or 12. If you were wondering, how I know her? Well, you see I know her through Church and Sunday School. She always felt like a big sister that I've never have. 

Anyway, as the day came closer, I started to become more nervous about how Hazel Eyes might be there. Although, I doubt that he was there or maybe he was there. I can't remember it has been a long time. 

Just before the dance, I panic about what to wear for that night. Remind you it was December and there was snow on the ground. So it was so cold out! I decided to wear a sparkly top with a cardigan, pants, and the shoes from my Grade 8 graduation. 

We had to be there early because she was on the Student Council and had to help set up. At first, I was nervous; it was my first time to take a breathalyzer. I didn't consume any alcohol before, but the thought that if I didn't pass, I wouldn't be able to go to the dance. 

At the dance, it was kind of dramatic. One person that I hang out with was crying because something happened to her. Someone was saying mean things about her mom who passed away, years ago. So the entire night, I spent trying to console her. 

When it was roughly around 10 at night, I was ready to go home. The dance didn't end until 11:30 p.m. and it was a Thursday night. It felt that I was alone that night because my friend was with her friends and my friends weren't really there for the whole night (they probably left around 10). 

That was when I decided to not attend dances, even if my friends encourage me. But, little did I know that this was the beginning of an end. That was my first and last dance of my high school experience and I spent it trying to console a friend, that my other friends didn't hanged out with. 

As the new year came, I made a promised that I would become more socially involved at school. Let's just say that I didn't keep the promised throughout my high school career until my fifth year. 

Now that I look back on my high school experience, I deeply regret not participating in school activities/clubs/sports. I would have, but my self-esteem was still healing from the incident in Grade 7. To this day, I still haven't recovered from it. Deep down, I have always know that I was the only kid in my grade that didn't change or lost any weight. Plus, it didn't help that my uncle had died, not even a year later; making my self-esteem even worse.