"And baby iiiii neeeed youuu" he sung back making me smile.
"Man go get all my hats that I got here" he said
"U leaving me?" I frowned
"How did u get that from go get all my hats I got here?" He tilted his head, you know when u catch somebody packing they shit up u know they leaving. But if lud foe grab all his hats u know he leaving.
"None" I went to grab his hats wich were easy to find. This was only half of the hats that he wears.
I dropped them on the floor, he scooted them together and took a picture of it.
I shook my head, he steady trying to prove some.
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It's kinda funny how he mean towards everybody but me. But it's cute cause I know that mean he soft when it comes to me.
"Can u go get Leo for me my head hurt" I said he nodded
"I'll be back " he pecked my lips grabbing his key.
I nodded walking upstairs, I laid on my bed grabbing my phone watching music videos from the boys.
I laughed at swirl, that was the day me and Gotti crashed dots car. I miss dot he haven't been around a lot. I shot him a quick message that's said hey
Then got back on YouTube
It's crazy cause i missed everything about him. The way he standed, the way he talked, the way he laughed. He wasn't replaceable, it was so crazy and just unreal. Like the pain was unbearable, i can't even believe i survived the whole situation. I went from seeing him everyday then gone the next. When i think about the situation i still think about how it's my fault. How i should have made him stay but i didn't, i never had so much disappointment in my self. To say things went left was and understatement thing just went down all the way. I know I was slowly slipping into a stage of depression, and nobody even knew cause I hid my pain with a smile. Only time is when I really smile Is when I'm around will or leo. Let me not forget about will, it's like he some type of antidote to me. When he's around nothing else matters it's like he makes me forget all my problems. I Don't like thinking cause it makes me think about everything wrong. I needed help and I knew it I just wasn't the same inside. I know it's going to eat me up but how am I supposed to move past this. And it's just not L'a death it's my life period. From everybody dying around me, getting locked up. Or the disloyalty shit hurts I try to act like I'm okay but in reality I'm not.
This was the one fight that was kicking my butt. I barely even sleep, and when I do nightmare just flood. Only time I sleep good is when I'm with will.
This is breaking me, well not really cause I'm already broken. My only motivation that keeps me going through out the day is that Little Boy I have.
I thought when L'a died that I couldn't love him. I couldn't take that baby home with me. I couldn't do it but when I looked at that baby, when he first opened his eyes it was hard. I couldn't not love him, I couldn't even look away from him.
I Wanna do better for myself for leo, but how when this pain and sorrow is eating me up.
I miss my brother, I low key miss my mom guiding me at the times I need somebody. They were all dead tho, I leaned My head against the head bored pulling my knees to my chest.
I never been suicidal cause I knew I wasn't about that life about bringing any harm to myself. But I did think it would be easier with out me breathing. I said I couldn't bring any harm to myself physically but emotionally and mentally I was dying and nobody knew. Nobody could hear my cries from the inside it hurted so bad.
I wiped my face when I heard the front door close. I heard both they heavy feet running up the steps.
"MOMMY WE GOT CUPCAKES" Leo yelled as they both came in I smiled.
Will frowned at me, looked like he wanted to say something but didn't.
Leo came and jumped on me to tell me about his day. And yall know what I did I smiled.
☆★☆★☆
Who thinks I can write a bomb asss young pappy book?
