Extra Small // N.H. AU

II. Downfall

Three days after the funeral and I'm still in my room, on my bed, thinking of how I'm going to go on.

I don't know how I will. I'm going to have to try but I don't know where to start. There is no more birthdays and holidays with him. No more of him coming home from work and yelling 'Honey I'm home!' like they do in movies.

No more opening presents on Christmas with him. No more decorating the Christmas tree with him criticizing where I placed the ornaments. No more surprise dates or kisses on the forehead. No more will I be able to have him hold me when I'm at my most vulnerable.

A knock on the door made me stop thinking. "Noelle? Can I come in?" My step-brother said through the door. "Sure" is all I said and the door opened as Zayn walked in. "How are you holding up?" he asked and I simply answered his question by shrugging my shoulders.

"Come on Noel, I drove all the way back to Bradford for you. Now you need to tell your brother what's wrong." he said with a smile. Our parents got married about three years ago so Zayn wasn't in the house and neither was I but we get along like we were meant to be siblings.

"I'm okay." I said and he leaned in. "Liar." he whispered as loud as he could. "I'm not lying, I'm doing my best." I said laughing, something else I never thought I'd do again.

"Doing your best isn't good enough. You need to believe you're going to get through this, no blind faith." he said grabbing my hand so it was no longer securing my knees to my chest. "I understand its hard Noe. Of course I have no idea how it truly feels but I sure can imagine it. I just want you to know I'm here for you, at your most fragile state I'm here. A shoulder to cry on, a brother to mess with, and a best friend you can tell anything to." he said all while staring intently into my eyes and not looking away.

I smiled at his generosity. "Thank you." I said quietly. "Its no problem, just don't forget it." he smiled patting my knees, "Now what?"

"What do you mean?" I questioned. "Well I mean, are we going to talk about what's going through that pretty head of yours or are we just going to watch a movie or what?" He suggested.

"Oh um whatever you want." I answered. Just as he took a breath to decide what we were going to do his phone began ringing. "Hey... yeah... really? now?... but... okay I'll be there soon." he said into the phone then hung up.

"That was Perrie sorry. She needs me to go pick up something from mum's house. I'll be back soon though." He said placing a kiss on my head then leaving.

I decided that since I still had the slightest amount of sanity left in my mind I should go pack up some of Chandler's things. I got out of my bed for the first time for a while. My legs were a bit shaky as they tried to hold me up.

I walked out of the guest bedroom I had resided in the past few days and shuffled down the hallway to my actual room. The one I originally shared with him.

I stood in front of the door and my hand trembled as I tried to reach for the door knob. The room started spinning once again when I realized that he will never be in there again.

Chandler is gone and is never coming back. I felt my eyes begin to burn from tears forming but I didn't let them fall. I forced them to go away. I didn't need to cry now, I need to get this done and over with.

I opened the door and it looks exactly the same as when I left it. Like two happy people still enjoyed their happy lives in this room. Which was the exact opposite of the current situation.

I grabbed the box from my closet that I used to try and start putting his stuff in the other day but it didn't work out well. I had a mental breakdown and had to stop.

I put the cardboard box on the bed and went through the drawers and folded some of his clothes and put them in the box. His many flannel shirts and black tee shirts. Though I kept a few for myself.

Once I had all of his closed packed away I got another box and started putting some of his other things in it. I started clearing out his underwear drawer but once I reached the back of it I felt something but couldn't quite see it yet.

It felt hard and about the size of my hand, I pulled it out and was surprised by what I had just found in the back of his drawer. The small hard thing was a black ring box.

I opened the box and saw a beautiful engagement ring with a moderately sized diamond. I just stared at it.

He was going to ask me to marry him. He was going to ask me to be his wife. Everything was going to be perfect.

I soon dropped to my knees and began hysterically crying. Through my crying I pulled out the ring and placed it on my left hand ring finger as if he had truly asked me.

Though my crying didn't cease it just became more violent. But then my head started to feel very light and everything had gone dark.