Roman, I Love You

Jamie and a Kiss

Warning: Graphic content pertaining to suicide. If it is triggering please be cautious and careful. Your well being comes first. Please take care of yourself <3 -Lyse

6

I closed my eyes and soon I was somewhere else. Somewhere very far away but yet always so close. I was coming home after school alone since Avery had a cheer meeting and Jamie had stayed home from school because he was sick. I called out for him as I shut the door behind me. Both Mom and Dad were working so it was just him alone the whole day, I knew that he was dying to have someone to talk to and I was ready to give him all of the gossip he missed.

I was answered back with nothing but silence. Perplexed I walked upstairs into my room to put my stuff down. I grabbed my book from off of my nightstand and padded to his room. I opened the door expecting to find him asleep, but the bed was empty and the room was so clean it looked as if no one even lived in it.

Nervousness blossomed in my belly unlike any feeling I had ever encountered. I had felt like that all day, but as I went back down the stairs it grew and I could feel little explosions in my chest. I entered into the family room, which he was not in, but when I looked out the window to the backyard an Earth-shattering scream ripped through my body in the shape of Jamie's name.

There he was with a yellow rope around his neck, his wrists slashed, and an empty bottle of pain pills from Dad's back surgery, that he had refused to take when he got them, hanging from the tree in the backyard.

I was running to him in an instant screaming his name the whole way. Tears were blurring my vision as I scrambled with the handle of the door before flinging it open and running towards him. A bucket was on its side with an old shaving blade from when my father was a little boy that he had kept in impeccable condition. Everything was lying in the pool of blood he had created, but I did not care, I just had to get him down. I righted the bucket and picked up the blade before stepping on the bucket almost meeting him at eye level, but they were closed and pale.

I used the blade to saw at the rope while trying to hold him, feeling his cold sap any heat from my body. When the rope gave he tumbled down and I too on top of him. I lied there on top of my brother who had pulled out all the stops to leave me, feeling his lifeless and cold body under mine and I felt fat hot tears roll down my cheeks. I held his face in my hands wishing, hoping, and praying with all of my might that he would wake up and wrap his arms around me to make it all better. It did not happen though. All I received was deathly silence.

I pounded on his chest and begged him, begged God to bring him back. Then I was cursing him, cursing him for not saying anything, cursing him for leaving me. And then I just stopped I just stayed there sobbing on my dead brother while my clothes were soaked in his own blood. The boy's chest that I was crying on was not my brother's anymore. It was just a corpse. Never in a million years could something so lifeless be my beautiful, exuberant brother.

I do not know how long I stayed there, but I do know when Avery got home because a scream incredibly similar to my own sounded through the house. I was too gone to care. My brother, my other half was gone and he left nothing of me behind. I was just a shell. She did the sensible thing and called the ambulance, but it was a lost cause I knew all too well that he was dead. She sank to the floor and waited for someone to get there. The ambulance was first, but my parents were not long after.

My father rushed to Avery's side and she buried her face in his chest while my mother herself sunk to the ground at the sight of her baby boy's lifeless body and my own nearly dead one attached to him. I felt the police officers trying to pull me from him but I fought and I screamed bloody murder and I latched onto him like I had nothing else in the world to hold onto, like if I were to let go I would fall off of the face of the Earth into a void filled with nothing.