Impulse Control (ON HOLD)

Chapter 14

I feel it when Cleo's tears begin to slow and stop, and I release her. We both sit, shivering, not from cold but from the pain of our individual sets of memories. I watch as Cleo leans over the side of the boat and dips her fingers in the water. I don't know why she wants to touch the water, but I don't ask for an explanation.

When she comes up, Cleo sits next to me, burying her face in my shoulder. I turn so I can give her a proper hug. "It was my fault," she says, her voice sounding strangled. My pulse begins to quicken. This is it; She's opening up!

Gently, I release her ever so slightly to give her some space while she tells her story. She shoots me a grateful look and continues on, staring down at her wet hands in her lap instead of my face.

"I had a best friend, Brianna Miller. Everyone called her Bree. And...and...she was bubbly." I nod, knowing exactly what she's talking about. Bubbly. It's a describing word I once used for myself, but don't anymore.

"She always had a smile for everyone, no matter what they'd done. That's why she was such a good friend to me. Back then, nobody wanted to be my friend. But Bree did. Bree didn't care about the rumors flying across the hall. She didn't care if I wore a snapback or a low-cut tank top. She loved me for who I was."

"At first I didn't tell her about me and how the rumors that were surfacing were true, even though I'm pretty sure she already knew. On the day I came out to her, she came out to me as a bisexual, which explained her immediate understanding of my sexuality."

I nod again, enthralled by her story.

"By the end of my eighth grade year, we were best friends for life and we knew it. We did everything together. We went to the mall, we ate at restaurants and pretended to be a couple just to get on the waiter's nerves. But, most importantly, we had each other's backs. You messed with one of us, and you were definitely going to mess with the other one, too. I saved Bree from getting beaten twice, and she saved me from a possible rape once. And we didn't hesitate to flip someone the bird for laughing at us. We were a Dynamic Duo, and everyone with a brain stayed away from us."

I smile at this. Cleo never really struck me as the type of girl who'd be a character in her middle school, but the idea does appeal.

"And then..." Cleo takes a deep breath, sucking the heavy, humid air into her lungs, preparing herself for the next part of her story. I take hold of her hand, gently rubbing my fingers across the palm to let her know that I'm here and I understand.

She squeezes my hand, hard, and gives me a grateful look. "One night, Bree and I were at a party, and we both got drunk. I was less drunk than she was, and managed to find a boy who offered to drive us home."

A cold, vicious feeling of dread begins to settle on my chest. I think I know where this story is going.

"He was very nice, and I knew I couldn't possibly drive Bree home safely, so I gave him the keys. Had I been in my right mind, I wouldn't have. But the beer was clouding my ability to think, so I allowed a complete stranger whom I'd never met to drive two unprotected teenage girls home in a car he'd never driven before, and a good car at that."

I sigh. I know what she's implying, but it's just not true. It was not her fault and I wish she knew that.

"So, he drove us to Blindman's Landing, a steep spot that went partway up a hilly cliff. I should've known he wasn't honest when he stopped the car at the edge of the cliff. But I didn't. I thought he was just taking a bathroom break. He got out of the car and I was able to see him meeting with another person. And then I saw him pass that person a gun, a rare antique gun that had been stolen two days ago."

I pat her hand gently.

"I was sober enough to stay quiet, but I made a huge mistake. I didn't have my cell phone with me, so I asked Bree to call 9-1-1 on hers. But, in her drunkenness, Bree couldn't stop herself. She flung open that car door, and started cussing and kicking at the boy. All the while, I was trying to get the gun so that neither of them would have a weapon to use if it came to that."

I shut my eyes slightly, pushing against the pain of the horrible images Cleo is accidentally painting for me.

"Bree was generally a good fighter, but she was drunk, and really couldn't fight as well as she could've if she was sober. She missed her targets and most of her punches didn't even reach the guy. I wasn't watching her, I was fighting the guy's accomplice, trying to get that gun. It never even occurred to me that she might need help until I heard her scream."

"It really was an accident. The guy wasn't even bothering to fight Bree back, because she was so slow. But, neither of them noticed how close to the edge of the cliff they were getting, and...and..."

Cleo's eyes fill with tears, and some drip down her cheeks. I pull her into a hug, warming her body with mine.

"And they fell. Both of them. Bree was trying to kick him, and she stumbled on a rock and went over the edge. The guy tried to reach out and catch her as she fell, but the weight of her body dragged him down the cliff, too. The guy's friend and I knew that the same would happen to us if we tried to save them."

"We watched them bang down that cliff, and it was horrifying. Bree's head split open on a rock, and I knew even before she reached the ground that she was dead. The accomplice ran off, and I never saw him ever again. And, just like that, my best friend was gone."