Impulse Control (ON HOLD)

Chapter 20

I step into the forest. Instantly I'm greeted with near silence. Outside I can hear all of the night sounds and the people from the swap meet. But in here, the only sound I can hear is the pattering of the rain. It drips off of the tree's leaves and splatters on my hood. I pull my coat around me more tightly.

The rain mixes with the salt of my tears and creates a foul-tasting combination that runs down my cheeks in wet streaks. Mud squishes through my flipflops and wet grass brushes my toes with a cool touch. All around me, the air smells fresh and clean and new.

Like hope.

I take a deep breath of the air, smelling the new beginnings hidden in it. There are so many secrets waiting to be discovered in this forest. It's like a crystal ball, seeing into the future. Under normal circumstances, I would've been in a panic. I mean, I'm in a park that's very big, and a forest that might lead to Narnia for all I know, and it's nighttime. Not to mention the fact that it's still raining.

But, instead of freaking out like I normally would, a sweet, peaceful calm takes me over. I feel utterly at home here in this unfamiliar forest.

By now my tears have completely dried up, and I'm brought back to the situation that made my tears flow in the first place.

I still don't know why I blew up at Cleo like that. She had done nothing wrong, but I guess I was sick of having these conflicting feelings every time she touched me. It's frustrating to not even know what you're feeling.

I'm so worried about our friendship. Despite everything, I'd hate to lose her as a friend. In just the few days I've known her, I feel unnaturally close to her, like we share some secret bond. I feel connected to her on a deep level. Sometimes I feel like she can see straight through me, into my soul and mind. It's a once-in-a-lifetime chance. I don't think I'll ever find another friend as good as Cleo.

Thinking about the warm, fulfilling memories I have of Cleo and I's time together makes me feel slightly sick. Will I ever see her again? Will she apologize to me? Will she avoid me? Will she drive off and leave me behind?

Although I'm terrified of what might become of us, I don't want to leave the forest just yet. I feel like a piece of me is missing, and I think the forest can help me find it.

By now the rain has turned to a soft drizzle, and the slow dripping of water off of the leaves fills me with peacefulness. I've always wanted to feel like this. All my life, it's been a tangle of expectations, pressure, drama, and personal and mental battles. I don't think I've gone two minutes without worrying over something or planning something. But here, it's like all of the things that make my life stressful have just disappeared. For the first time in my life, I feel completely free.

Taking a deep breath of the clean, fresh air, I'm completely at home. I remember when I first saw Cleo. I remember my initial reaction to her. It was quite like the song "Everything Has Changed" by Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran. And I'm not kidding. When I first laid eyes on Cleo, I felt like my universe shifted. It felt lighter, prettier. More beautiful.

Warm thoughts filling my mind, I listen to the frogs humming sad melodies and the owls hooting their sorrows to the moon. Overhead, through the bushy tree tops, a vast expanse of stars glitter against the black abyss of the night sky.

The appearance of the stars fills me with a new sort of hope. A hope that maybe everything will be okay. And I know, as surely as I know my own name, that, Cleo or no Cleo, I can survive this life. I am a strong fighter. A survivor. And I will do my absolute best to take back my friendship with Cleo.

I will not let something so desperately beautiful slip from my hands so painfully easily.

***

Gingerly, I stretch my body, getting up off of the ground. My butt feels damp from the grass. It's still nighttime, and I take some time to listen to the symphony of crickets before I start towards the edge of the forest. Mom is probably worried about me. I slip out of the forest and onto the main path. My fingers shake as I dial my mother's number.

***

When we arrive at the campground, I waste no time in heading over to Cleo's camper. Without knocking, I burst in through the door. "Cleo, I'm sor-"

I stop short, dumbfounded and stung by the scene in front of me.

Cleo has her top off, showing off her white sports bra. Normally I would've fangirled myself senseless over this, but this time she's cuddled up with a gorgeous woman.

The woman has long, silky smooth black hair. Her entire body is tanned and toned perfectly, and the low-slung jeans and purple bra she has on shows off her curves to her advantage. Cleo looks up from her position on top of her partner. I nearly scream when I see the red lipstick marks around her mouth, and the prominent hickey glaring on her neck. I die a little more inside when I see that the woman's jeans and Cleo's shorts are both a little wet.

I swallow hard, trying not to bawl in front of these two. Cleo's lover turns to me and begins freely checking me out, running her eyes greedily over the cute shorts I have on, and the dip in my tank-top. Finally, her eyes meet mine. They bore into mine, as if trying to warn me of some danger.

I look back at Cleo, who looks slightly guilty. "Sierra, I'm sorry. Let's talk," she says, getting up and running a hand through her hair. Panic settles like a weight on my heart, and I turn to flee the horrible picture of Cleo wrapped around another woman's waist.

Not even bothering to reply to her halfhearted attempt at patching things up, I run out the door and through the door of my camper. Being careful to do so quietly, I rush back to my bunkhouse and shut the door. I turn the light off and I get under the covers without even bothering to undress.

Tears leak freely from my eyes. I cry until I somehow manage to fall asleep.

AN: How'd y'all like this chapter? You hate me, don't you? Yeah, I know. It's okay. You'll love me again soon. Don't forget to vote and comment how you liked it!! Bye my lovelies!!!

All my love,

Em