Impulse Control (ON HOLD)

Chapter 24

Cleo's p.o.v.

As soon as Sierra has left, I collapse on my sofa and gather my energy enough to put my favorite movie in the player. It's called Spirit: Stallion Of The Cimarron.

I love the characters because they so remind me of me. I also love Spirit, the horse. He's my role model. He has that adventurous spark in his eyes, and the fighting instinct that completely takes him over is like a reality check for me, reminding me that, no matter what, I have to keep fighting. I yearn terribly for the peace and happiness that Spirit found at the end of the movie.

But that beautiful strand of hope I get from watching it makes me think that someday I'll get just that. We each have our individual battles to fight, and knowing that Spirit won his makes me determined to win mine.

I know that, despite my bad days, weeks, months, and years, I still have a flame of spirit inside of me.

And, suddenly, I know exactly what I need to do.

***
Sierra's p.o.v

I dash back to my camper, thinking about what Cleo just said. I can't argue, and I certainly can't be mad at her, because she's right. It's not fair of me to ask her to give me her heart when she doesn't know yet if I'm going to break it. I need to figure myself out before I do anything about Cleo.

I sit down on the table, to think. I do like Cleo. I can't deny the fact. I like her a lot. I want to kiss her and date her and make love to her.

But, according to everything my mother has ever taught me, to feel this way about Cleo is the worst crime one could ever commit. She's frequently said that being gay is a sin and that all gay people need to die and go to Hell.

But any dummy can see that Cleo is not the type of person who needs to die or go to Hell or who is wrong in any way. Cleo is comforting. She puts other people's happiness before her own, and she takes on everyone's problems without solving hers. She's empathetic and compassionate and loves everyone equally. She doesn't look down on anything or anybody.

She's loving, caring, and easy to be around. She's honest and trustworthy.

And I want, more than anything, to make her mine.

***

As I'm getting up to get a snack, I hear the entrance to my favorite song in the entire history of songs, I Will Always Return by Bryan Adams. The music is coming from the beach.

On impulse, I get up and follow the music down the cliff to the water's edge. Standing right beside a CD player is Cleo.

When she sees me standing there, she stares into my eyes for a couple of seconds. I stare back into hers, reading every little detail embedded in the pure blue.

I feel deeply connected to her, and the song playing in the background. An overwhelming sense of peace hits me before I have time to think.

Cleo senses it, reaches over to the CD player, and restarts the song.

I close my eyes as the familiar lyrics run through my brain, with deeper meaning than ever before.

I hear, the wind, call my name,

The sound, that leads, me home again

Sparks of the fire,

A flame that still burns

To you, I will always return

I know the road is long,

But where you are is home

Wherever you stay,

I'll find the way