" Yunnie stop! Ahahaha stop it now!" Jaejoong, 5 years old laugh as he run from his friend trying to escape the hose of water aim at him. He is already soaked. His white shirt sticks to his little form as his friend continue to attack him but he gasped when he suddenly slip his and he fell his cute butt as he groan.
"Joongie!" Little Yunho widen his eyes as he rescued his friend. But instead of crying, little Jaejoong laugh heartily at the misery of Yunho being worried over him. Yunho just stare at him and pout.
"Sorry. You're funny. Why are so worried? I'm ok." Jaejoong stood up and adjusted his shorts that started to stick at his front. Yunho however, remain sitted on the grass at the back of the jungs residence.
"Are you really ok? You fell your cute little butt Joongie."
Jaejoong smiled and sat beside his friend who are still sitting, worried over him.
"I'm ok. I'm strong you know. See this?" Jaejoong try to show his arms to Yunho and the latter finally laugh. Yunho kissed his little arm still raising in the air like he was a wrestler.
"Its adorable, but you're not a wrestler Joongie. You are going to be my wife when I grow up."
"Wife?"
"Yes. Wife. You know . . . one day we are going to get married and have our little family."
"And Yunnie will be my husband?"
"Yes! Yes! Yes!"
" . . . but when is that?"
" . . . when we grow up! When we are big enough."
"Promise?" Jaejoong raise his pinky finger towards Yunho and the latter do the same.
"Promise. Yunnie loves Joongie forever." Yunho kiss his pinky finger and entwined it to Jaejoong's little one.
The memories. Those unforgettable memories of their childish promises. Promises that held so much meaning for him. Promises that will never ever happen anymore.
Jaejoong wipe his tears as he stare at the photo album spread in front of him. Yunho has his hands draped over his shoulder. Its a family dinner over their house and their parents ask them to pose for a shot. He remember his Noona teasing them that they are inseparable. From the dining chair they had to be sitted together, from school they had to be classmates, from lunch time way back in their cafeteria they had to wait for each other before any of them eat. From going back and forth to school, they had to be together. They are really inseparable indeed. And that's the bitter reality for them, they can't just go back at the way they used to be. Its complicated. Everything is so complicated.
Jaejoong sighed and let out a bitter laugh. The old photo album has still Yunho's ugly handwriting says 'Yunnie loves Joongie forever' and its the one thing Jaejoong couldn't let go. He can't still let go.
Regret is the only thing he could think of right now. He's not even sure if he's ready to face the man again. He's not so sure if he could stand the judging face of Yunho. He knew from his family that he got a very caring and loving girlfriend but he can't just accept that it's already been too late for them to reconcile. Even if they reconcile its impossible to be with him, he is taken and about to recite the promise of forever to the woman he vowed to love for the rest of his life.
"Jae?" A soft knock was heard at his door. He knows its his Noona. He immediately squeeze the album under his pillow and fixed himself as he strode towards the door and open it.
"Aunt Jung invited the family over dinner tonight. Yunho wanted to introduce his fiancee." Jaejoong was silent for a few seconds and sigh.
"Ok."
"Are you coming? Its ok if you can't make it. I understand." Hyori study her little brother. Jaejoong maybe had a cold aura outside but deep inside she can feel the pain her baby brother had been feeling. It hurts her to see the pain in her sweet little brither. She wished she can do something about it.
"I'll be there."
"Jae . . . how are you?"
"I'm ok noona." Jaejoong went back inside his room and sat on his bed. He's facing the window of the other house. The window of Yunho's old room where too many memories are starting to surfaced again. He wonder if he's there.
"I mean. How are you coping?" And Jaejoong broke his resolved. Why did a simple caring question could bring so much emotions from him? Jaejoong found himself sobbing again in his sisters arms.
"Oh Jae!" Hyori could only embrace him in comfort.
He doesn't know if he'll survive but he's trying, he's really trying. Its just that . . . his stubborn heart won't stop loving him. And its not so easy to fought against his feelings, its not just so easy.
***
Staring at his reflection again, Jaejoong can't see anything but the gloom in his eyes. He can't remember the last time they parted ways. Its not in a good terms, Yunho left Korea without his knowing. That's how much he hurt Yunho back then. And now he has no right to get hurt because its all his doings. Its his choice.
" One day we're going to travel the world Jae, we're going to roam every places we love together."
"I would love to visit Paris someday. Mom said its beautiful in there."
"It is. I've been there once when I was a kid, but you were not fit to travel that time because you were sick your mom had to admit you to the hospital."
"And you were reluctant to leave me because you thought I'm gonna die." Jaejoong laugh seeing Yunho glare at him.
"You know its not a good joke Jae. The last thing I wanted to see is you lying in a casket."
"But I'm alive! And anyway you brought me lots of presents and I'm wearing one of those."
"Really?" Jaejoong nodded and unlock his necklace Yunho had gave him when he get back from a one week vacation in Paris.
The silver necklace shines on his hand as he show it to his best friend. The Eiffel tower pendant was so beautiful it made Jaejoong feel light headed whenever he wore the necklace.
"It suits you Jae. Paris is a beautiful City. Its just right to give you a beautiful presents from a beautiful person right?" Yunho wink at him and Jaejoong rolled his eyes.
"Are you saying you're beautiful?" Yunho pinch his nose.
"I'm handsome!"
"You're dreaming again Jung Yunho."
"Ah really? You won't admit it? Say it!" Yunho started to tickle him they ended up tangled in Jaejoong's bed as they continue to murder each other.
When Jaejoong stare at his reflection again he smiled. Tears were again rolling on his cheeks, it drops on his light blue shirt. Why can't he just ignore those memories? Why do he keep coming back? Yunho and him had never started anything to begin with.
He should be happy for him.
He can see Yunho is happy now.
. . . . and he should be happy.
He should be happy for his best friend.
He had to show Yunho he's happy for him. This is the choice he had made so he has no right to feel like he's the one being in pain because if he had to think about it a thousand times its all his fault. Everything is his fault at the first place. No one could blame Yunho if he had chosen to turn his attention to someone else and worst left him.
Now he has to start burying those things connected with Yunho because as it hurt to admit it, they will never be of friends anymore. Soon he'll be one of Yunho's past. And it hurt him too much just thinking about it.
***
Yunho stare at the figure on their veranda. The dinner went well. He sat beside his fiancee while Jaejoong sat across them. The dinner had started and ended with Jaejoong avoiding his gaze. It hurt to see his one and only friend avoiding him like a plague. Even raising his gaze upon him he never did. Its that awkward. But he was thankful that both of their parents knows their past and try to lighten the mood by chatting a hilarious things that even him he find himself laughing except Jaejoong.
Sooner or later they can't avoid each other like this. Things around them should be settled so they can breath normally again.
Yunho sigh.
He miss the little Jaejoong he used to tease and give a back hug. Jaejoong loves to piggy back. When he was a teenager he's a bit chubby and he's always the center of teasing because of his crook teeth.
" Awwww . . . Yunnie is chubby. From now on You're going to be my pet ok?"
"Your pet? What do you think of me? An animal?" Jaejoong kiss his cheek.
"Yes. A very adorable animal. You are my bear!" Jaejoong ride his back again. Jaejoong wrapped his arms to his neck and his legs were draped on his back. Since Jaejoong has a natural little figure he weigh just like a paper. Its so easy for him to throw Jaejoong on their greeny garden and he will be sure Jaejoong would just bounce back to him.
"Come on Yunnie bear, you need to carry me around. You are my bear and you have to carry me around. Understand?"
"You little arrogant beauty, you're really spoiled."
"But you love me right? You love me so give me what I want!" Jaejoong pout and Yunho just give up. Jaejoong's adorable pout is his weakness. Actually everything about his best friend is his weakness. He can't imagine to be separated with him. And he hope that someday their dreams will be granted by heav en.
Yunho smiled sadly. This veranda held so much memories of them. Happy memories. Heck every corner of their house has Jaejoong's memories and he doesn't want to forget even a single memory of it. It will forever engraved on the back of his brain and at the deepest part of his heart.
He slowly walk to him and he noticed Jaejoong holding a stick of cigarette.
"You didn't stop." Jaejoong drop the stick on the ground. Surprise to see Yunho behiqnd him.
"Ummm . . . . didn't . . . didn't stop the what?" Jaejoong step on the stick trying to kill the time instead of staring at Yunho.
"Your smoking. I thought you said you would stop."
"Well . . . . old habits die hard."
"Yeah . . . right." Awkward silence fell the evening. If there's a light around them the obvious tension would be seen in their faces.
Yunho rub the back of his neck.
Jaejoong cleared his throat.
" . . . . uummm congratulations." Jaejoong whispered and Yunho barely heard him he has to repeat it again even he has to admit it hurts like hell.
"What?"
"I said congratulations. You look so happy." Inside Jaejoong he can feel his chest tighten. He can't imagine saying those things to Yunho much more congratulating him on his coming wedding.
"I am. Thank you." Why those simple fact from Yunho felt like a thousand knives slamming on his heart. Jaejoong has to contain himself not to tear up. He heard Yunho. He's happy what could he wish for the man he love? His happiness right? Even if it kills him.
"I'm glad."
"How about you Jae? Are you dating someone?"
"No. Busy at work." Jaejoong was oblivious to the smile appeared on Yunho's face.
Yunho doesn't know why but it relieved him to know Jaejoong is not committed to anyone.
"I think I need to go. I had somewhere to go tomorrow."
"Have a good night then." Jaejoong nodded and had to close his eyes when Yunho's fiancee approach them.
"Hey baby, its getting late you need to bring me home." The women clung her arms to Yunho's waist and Yunho smiled sweetly at him. And even if it hurts Jaejoong can't tear his eyes off of the couple.
The women smiled at him. She's pretty, Yunho and her look good together. She also looks nice, the kind of a women with so much breeding. A gentle smile offer to him and he smiled genuinely at her.
"Kim Jaejoong right? Yunho here talk so much about you, I guess from childhood memories up to your college days." Yunho flushed and Jaejoong was surprise that even now Yunho still talk about him and he thought the guy has so much grudge towards him.
"Yeah . . . because you ask so much about him, I'm jealous you might like him more than me." Yunho pout as he hug his fiancee Jaejoong had to look away.
"Thank you ahra ssi. Its nice meeting you again and congratulations."
"You're in the list ok?" Ahra turn to him again and smiled Jaejoong just have to nod so he can escape as fast as he can.
"Good night to both of you. I'll go ahead say bye to your parents." Jaejoong turn his back at the couple and he caught Yunho's longing look at him when he pass.
He just assumed it that way or else he's going to keep hurting himself.
. . . . and on the other hand Yunho had to control himself not to grab Jaejoong and lock him on his arms. He had missed him so much. So much that it still hurts. As he saw Jaejoong leaving to the door, he saw it. Its not his illusion playing anymore, Jaejoong wipe the side of his eyes as he continued walking. Yunho felt it again. The weakness on him whenever he saw Jaejoong crying but well . . . they're not meant to be. That's what he believes even though it hurts he has to keep moving.
