" One day I'm going to stand beside you and say all my vows." Yunho smiled at him. Jaejoong can't keep himself from blushing.
"Are you proposing?" Jae smiled teasingly, brows curve upward and stare at Yunho that the latter had to look away.
"No. I'm promising to you Jae."
"Promising me what? And why are you not even looking at me?" Yunho slowly held his gaze to Jae and smiled.
"Promising to love you forever."
"Promising to love me as your best of best of best of friend? Yeah right." Jaejoong rolled his eyes.
"What? Don't you understand what I'm saying here? It doesn't sound like a fucking promise of a best friends."
"Then what do you think it sounds like?"
"Sounds like lovers. Two people who are inlove." Yunho grin sheepishly.
"You're not even my boyfriend."
"Then make me." Jaejoong just smiled and pinch both Yunho's cheek as he walk ahead towards the swing they used to sit since they were kids.
"Shut up Yunho." Yunho hug him and spun him around Jaejoong ended up laughing clinging on Yunho's neck.
"Put me down you chubby bear!"
"I am not chubby anymore! I've get rid of my manboobs already."
"Hahahaha ok! ok! put me down now!" Yunho put him down but held his hands tighter as they continue to walk.
"Yunho are you ok?" Yunho snap from that thought. He was again sunk in that memory. A memory of them. A memory of Jaejoong. He smiled sadly and fixed himself as he turn to his fiancee.
"Of course." Ahra smiled back. Yunho loves her. She's a very gentle woman and so warm. At first when he met her back then, he thought she was un-approachable since she looks so distant and cold. But when Yunho get to know her later on he discovers a lot from her. She loves to cook, she loves playing badminton and he often seen her in an open court where he used to live in the U.S. He remembered Jaejoong loves to play the same thing and that reality smack him on the face again. Is it possible that he likes Ahra just because she reminds him a lot of Jaejoong? Jaejoong has this cold aura but once you get to know him he'll warm you up with his gentle smiles and hugs. He can cook very well. He remembered he always sneak on Jaejoong's house before to stole the baked cookies and muffins Jaejoong had made so Jaejoong had to make sure it was put in a cookie jar and had separated parts for him. Jaejoong was so into badminton and he find it very boring. He always ended up slamming the racket to the shuttlecock like it was some kind of a basketball and Jaejoong would just glare at him.
Fuck! And he thought everything was nothing related to Jaejoong now that he has Ahra. He made the big mistake because at the very start Jaejoong had already took the part of his heart which will be forever be own by the guy.
"You seem out of yourself. Are you really ok?" Yunho took his fiance's hand and squeeze it.
"Yes. Im just tired."
"Jaejoong seems to be a very sweet person. Though we're not that close, I can see it in his aura."
"Yes he is. He's a very gentle loving person once you get to know him."
"Does he has a lover?"
"Why ask?"
"I bet my friends would love to date him if its ok with him." Yunho stiffen and swallowed. Just the thought of Jaejoong dating another guy ache something inside him.
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why so?"
"You have to ask him about that. But why are you so interested of setting him up? Like he can't do it himself?" Yunho turn around very annoyed suddenly.
"Yunho, its just an idea. I'm not pushing it. Jaejoong is very handsome I know he can have a date anytime he wants without pushing an effort. Everyone would like him."
"Why are we even talking about him?"
"He's your bestfriend Yunho. Are you having issues with him?"
"No."
"Then let me talk to him. I'll set him a date with one of my friend that if he's interested." Yunho just shut his mouth. He's already annoyed enough and he doesn't want to give Ahra an idea that he's so work up at Jaejoong having a date.
***
Yunho got into his car frustrated at the thought of his fiancee setting a date for Jaejoong. Why would she even bother meddling in Jaejoong's personal life? Why can't she just ignore him at all and let him find his own fate? And why just the thought of it work him up so much? Not that they're ex lovers, the appropriate term would be ex bestfriends. The awkward times they chat at dinner yesterday had just take his confidence off that he could hardly ever remember he actually has. The pain is still there and just the image of Jae could make Yunho's jaw clenched in utter frustration.
He's beautiful.
He remember way back in high school he had a hard time pulling the guys off of Jaejoong because he was just a sight to see. Jae is flawless in everything, from the way his hair sway in the breeze of cold wind, from that eyes boring to your very soul, from that sinful pouty lips that everytime Jae would ask something to him and he refuse and later on ended up nodding to his bestfriend just because he can't stand the sight of Jaejoong pouting at him. It really takes all his will power not to grab the guy and smashed their lips together because he surely know that would be awkward afterwards for them.
Jae is just perfection.
And Jae isn't his.
That's the sad reality because Jaejoong never saw them being together at the very beginning. And he's so idiot not to know it.
He's just totally stupid to hope they had a mutual understanding.
The way Jaejoong cared for him. The way Jaejoong look at him like he's the most important person in his life. The way Jaejoong caressed his locks every time they set their foot in the view of Han River and him laying on Jaejoong's lap while killing their time. The way Jaejoong said I love you to him every time they parted ways to their respective home. Its there.
The Love.
Its just that Jaejoong had something else in his mind. Yunho would love to assume that's the case because it surely fair for him that Jaejoong had actually felt something for him too. And he had this sudden longing to read what's running on Jaejoong's mind because it frustrates the hell out of him. Its just too much.
His heart can just take little patience.
Call him insensitive jerk but he really is. Because as of the moment all he could think of is Jaejoong. And he shouldn't be thinking that way because he's engaged to his fiancee that he believe he loved. He's confused to how he would face this.
There's just two options.
Avoid Jaejoong?
or
Face the fate.
*~*~*~*~*
Yunho hadn't notice that he's driving in the exact familiar way to that place.
That special place again.
At the back of his mind its pushing him not to think about him but all he could do is to sigh in frustrations and find himself drown in all his thoughts again. Thoughts about him. Why Kim Jaejoong can't get out of his mind? Not that they even have connections now except the awkward stares, awkward smile, awkward chats if its really a chat to be called. Its nothing near like that. He wanted to curse, he wanted to bang his head. Does Kim Jaejoong even know what was going on with him?
He blow a forceful air from his lungs. He exhale a few times before he let his foot set on the familiar ground of Han River.
The view of the dark lights surrounding the city made his heart beat again in a normal rate. Like the feeling he used to when he's with Kim Jaejoong.
" It would be nice to have a picnic here once in a while. Just inhaling the fresh air of this place makes me relax."
"Then let's set here at least once a week. If we're not that busy." Yunho pulled Jaejoong into his side as they sat theirselves in the ground picking some pebbles and throwing it out into the calm river.
"Yunho?"
"Hmmm?"
"I want this place to be sacred."
"What do you mean?"
"You won't bring anyone here with you unless its me."
"Why would you think I would bring someone here?"
"I don't know. Someday if its possible that we had separate lives and you'll have your own girlfriend."
"I won't do that."
"Promise?" Jaejoong gave him a hopeful smile and he can't keep himself not to pinch those adorable cheeks.
"Promise. Because I won't even look at someone else."
"You're cheesy."
"But that's a promise Jae."
"I got it. I hope you won't forget that."
And Yunho realize he had failed Jae. He did look at someone else and the worst part is, its his future wife to be.
***
Yunho grin at the curving. He had actually hope its still there.
"Yunjae forever." He trace the texture of every rough surface of that particular bench they used to sit on many years before.
With Jaejoong.
Jaejoong scolded him a good 30 minutes when he saw Yunho put their names on the fresh cemented bench and they're thankful that the maintenance guy hadn't return to his work or they are going to pay for penalty of vandalism.
He created that name. He even remember how Jaejoong tease him because of the pansy pet name.
" Are you serious?"
"Why its so cute don't you like it?" Yunho pout and Jaejoong laugh more.
"Yunjae. It looks like a couples name. Not that I didn't like it, but the thought of you giving so much effort on that makes me think you really love me." Jaejoong tease him some more, pinching his chubby cheeks and occasionally laughing at him like he was the most hilarious thing in Jaejoong's eyes in that very moment.
"Laugh some more, I'm going to tickle you to death." Jaejoong suddenly stop and Yunho grin.
"Ok. Ok. The name is cute. I like it."
"Really?" Jaejoong nod but chuckle.
"Jeez Yunnie, I can't believe how cute you are. At this very moment I am going to hug the life out of you!" Jaejoong jump into him straddling him into the grass, dirtying both their white shirts as they laugh together. Jaejoong's mom could only smiled widely at them .
***
Jaejoong took three packs of cherry suckers from the rack inside the convenience store just a few blocks away from their house. The headphone was buzzing loudly against his ear drums not noticing the guy who just enter the store.
Yunho froze at the corner staring at Jaejoong longingly.
Would he greet him good morning?
Would he pretend he didn't saw him?
Would it be too obvious to stalk the guy just a little more and stare at him?
Yunho hadn't choose anything from all the options but he chose to stay instead and wait for the guy to recognize his presence.
He's just a few steps away anyway. With Jaejoong bouncing around and swaying his hips towards him in no time he'll going to bump someone accidentally. With his natural clumsiness attached to him the guy could be a walking disaster.
3
2
1
and . . .
BAM!
Jaejoong had knocked some of the can foods on the shelves and trip his foot on the can of tomato sauce which cause him to land his back on someone's chest.
Yunho grin at the familiar scent he loves so much. He had missed this. He had missed hugging Jaejoong.
Jaejoong on the other hand was now in panic at the mess he had made and immediately try to land on his feet again knocking Yunho's chin on the process when he try to stood up straight.
He widen his eyes upon seeing the knight in shining armor who had catch him on time.
"Yunho!"
"You're still clumsy I see." Jaejoong flushed and step away from Yunho. Burning from the gaze Yunho had been giving him.
"Im sorry about that. Did I hurt you?" Jaejoong was about to touch Yunho's chin but when he saw Yunho's smiling so wide at him he immediately retract his hands.
"Its ok Jae. You should be careful." Yunho had already pick the drop items on the floor and place it back to its original place. Thankful that they're not much damage. The crew had already approach them and upon checking that nothing were really seriously destroyed he went back to the cash registry.
"I think this is yours. I saw this in your arms." Yunho put back the three packs of cherry suckers to Jaejoong's arms, brushing skin to skin in the process that brought shivers to both of them.
"Thank you. I think I have to get going." Jaejoong had bowed to him like he was just an acquaintance and he wanted to curse.
Yunho grab Jaejoong's arms stopping him.
"I'll walk you home."
"No Yunho. Its better this way."
"Better this way?"
"I really have to go Yunho." But Yunho had grab the three packs of cherry suckers and return it to its place and drag Jaejoong outside the convenience store earning some curious stares from the patronage.
"Are you avoiding me Jae?"
"No."
"Then what do you mean its better this way. What do you mean by that?"
"You know what I mean Yunho. Don't start it."
"Just so you know Jaejoong, it all started from you!"
"I have nothing to do with this Yunho. Let me go."
"No. Unless we did this for closure and for good."
"Forget it Yunho. Stop this." Jaejoong had try to yanked his arms from Yunho's grasp but the latter was too strong he can feel his fingers digging against his skin.
"Why Jae? Why can't you just be honest with me?"
"Yunho please . . . You're hurting me."
"I wanted to hate you. I really do, but I can't." Yunho whispered softly loosening his holds from his arms.
"Are you blaming me?"
"Are you feeling guilty?"
"Why would I be Yunho?"
"You're selfish!"
"Just because you're hurt it doesn't mean I wasn't hurt as well Yunho."
"Then tell me. Did you ever love me the way lovers would do? Because if you ask me I will answer you Yes! I can feel it Jae don't deny me. You're trying to push me away." Jaejoong just stare at him. Measuring every emotions in Yunho's eyes.
"Why would it matter to you?"
"Its a big deal for me Jae! Damn it!"
"I did." Came a short reply.
"What?"
"I did love you Yunho. I love you more than a best friend could offer. I had love you as Jung Yunho and not because you're my bestfriend."
"I did Yunho. Now you're happy?" Jaejoong took a step forward and pass him and he can only stare at Jaejoong's retreating back.
If Jaejoong love him why would he deny it at the very first place? Does it have to come as far as like this?
He massage his temple. Head aches started to swim in his head.
He needs to dig more. He needs to see where Jaejoong is getting at this.
And why would he Choose the perfect timing of confessing when he is already committed to someone else?
Fuck. He's in Doom.
