The Therapist

The Decision

Meandering through the park in the frigid cold of winter, I've made an important decision about how I am going to live my life. Perhaps it was the cold that spurred me into action. Perhaps it was a response provoked by recent events.
You will soon come to realize, as I have already, that I have been through enough to where this decision is both logical and reasonable. My only regret is that I didn't realize this sooner.
Kicking a rock, distracting myself from myself, I try to find a way to negate the absolute truth that this realization. Watching the trees sway, remembering that the world turns whether this decision is made or not, I try to remember that there's always the future, and that things could change. Glancing at a homeless man asleep on the bench, I try to realize that things could be worse. But no.
No. There is no way to disprove this. The world may turn, but I would not be on it. I may have a home, but my mind is no longer my own.
And so my decision is final.
No one can be trusted. Everyone has their own motivations to do the things they do, and most of them are sick and twisted.
And so I will quit my job at the local newspaper. I never truly enjoyed it anyway. I had an internship there in college, as I double majored in English and psychology. When they offered me a job, I accepted, thinking it wouldn't be permanent. Yet here I am ten years later, hating my life and myself (although that is what's truly permanent here).
Instead, I will put my other major to use and become a therapist. I will learn about the dark corners of people's minds and use that knowledge to control people around me. I will never grow close to anyone. I will never marry (again). My life will be one of manipulation and control. And I look forward to it.