The Distance Between Us

Is This Goodbye ?

You all could probably guess my answer...of course I said yes ! How could I refuse him after the way he looked at me ! Or that kiss !!!

The next day...

He texted me early in the morning. And I mean EARLY, like 5:30 a.m. early. He wanted to meet up at the same beach we had met. Without even changing out of my PJs, I headed toward the beach. (Yes, I borrowed my mother's car but it was important !)

 I see him sitting under the tree and...he looks like he's...sulking maybe ? His shoulders are hung low and his gaze seems to be plastered onto the horizon. Trying not to catch his attention I tread as lightly as I can manage and wrap my arms around his neck. He chuckles and mumbles a quiet "hello" before pulling me onto his lap.

We stare at eachother for a while and next thing you know we're kissing. I sit up but still remain in his lap as things get heated. Just when I was about to pull him even closer he pulls away.

"What's wrong ?" I say while trying to level with his distant gaze. Is he still sulking ?! What. Did. I. Do ?!

"Ari, baby girl...I'm leaving today.." He looks at my expression cautiously as if waiting for me to start throwing a fit. I remain still, lost in my thoughts.

How could I not have remembered he was leaving today ?! Did I actually think we'd last forever ? Did I convince myself to think that this wouldn't end with us both heartbroken one way or another ? I'm snapped back into reality by his warm hands either side of my face.

"Baby...I know we just met, and I know this is going sound crazy but I truly believe that I love you. You're amazing, funny, ridiculously beautiful..." He kissed my forehead softly before continuing.

"I just don't know want you want to do with us...you tell me babe if you want me I'm yours, or you can walk away and save yourself the tears." I looked at him then. I hadn't noticed I started crying until I tried to speak through the tears.

"I think I love you also.." He smiled with hope in his eyes and I thought I might melt.

"But I guess this is goodbye ? I mean you live thousands of miles away from me, we're not adults...I don't think I can do this." That's when I start sobbing. Boy am I thankful that I'm still sitting in his lap because I cling to him like he's my life force, totally contradicting my cold words.

"Are you giving up on us that easily ?!" If I knew any better is sat he's angry...that'd make this our first argument. Ha. Damn it Ari stop getting side tracked.

We both move apart from eachother, the closeness suddenly becoming too overwhelming.

"You said that I could pick what happens with us. So I choose to save our hearts from the enormity of heartbreak that we'd have to face if we continue this." I sit there, my tears still falling down my cheeks but trying to sound convincing.

"So is this goodbye then ?" At that moment he looked defeated. I think I already crushed his heart. I grabbed his hand and moved it to my lips, I kissed it gently and kept it there. Is this goodbye ? If only I knew.