Random poem thoughts

Never be friends with your ex.

IF YOU DO READ THIS BE WARNED YOU MIGHT GET PASSED OFF WITH ME. I'M GOING THROUGH SOMETHING AND IT'S TURNING ME INTO AN AWFUL PERSON.

I couldn't forget him no matter the love I felt for my boyfriend. It wasn't romantic, it was guilt. Dating for a year and a half and then ending things so quickly. I had ended things and made him pick up his stuff in a matter of hours. I couldn't live knowing I abandoned the one person I needed most. He needed me and I left. So I thought since we both had someone new we would... be friends. When he answered my message and called me I was in shock. My heart was so excited when he said he didn't hate me. He was fine. But that wasn't the case. Things were different between us. Our friendship didn't pick up like nothing happened. We soon realized we still had feelings.. memories that as much as I wish my boyfriend's warm touch could erase. But I was stuck. Stuck in a web of passionate kisses and inside jokes. I hide my small when I remember it all. My boyfriend fears he will lose me, to another man or the ultimate loss.
Somebody tell me when my heart will stop breaking?
He deserves a solid answer. It's so hard coping when I can't understand or explain why I'm falling in love with a 10% chance.
Do I risk it all to have a door slammed in my face?
I'm stuck in the purgatory can't go back and can't move on.
The man who drives my mind crazy barely responds and always finds excuses to not talk in person.
He says I'm perfect and his dream girl.
Prove it. Give me a reason to leave or I won't, the pills keep me sane. The memories of you haunt me but I'll live with the headache if you can't give me your time.