Random poem thoughts

Still to Weak

It felt like so long ago. I pass by places that remind me of you.
I can't go to to Target without the memory of you working there. How I would watch you make sandwiches at Subway. How you would cuddle me on your breaks give me free sandwiches and make fun of the way I had to cut it into pieces. You would take photos of me all the time calling me cute and beautiful. I broke your heart, packed up your stuff in a box. Cut up our pictures and the letters you wrote me. All the memories reek in my room.
I hate knowing you moved on. Having to struggle to do the same. It's like a competition to see how happy I can pretend to be.
"You look happier."
If only they knew I had perfected my mask.
Smile. Grin. Make it reach your eyes. Laugh.
"You look happier"
I hope she makes you smile like I did, she doesn't hurt you like I did.
I'm trying not to be bitter. I'm trying not to cry, but these fake smiles don't reach my eyes.
The truth is it's hard to break up when one of us is still in love.
He doesn't treat me well like you did. I confided in the wrong person. Now he controls me.
I'm his call girl, his hidden dirty secret. He spews hurtful words dismissing my tears, and I stay.
Because I know, I deserve him.