I can hardly breathe as I try to process the events that have just unfolded, my heart slams against my chest violently with every beat. I can't think, what was I thinking? I wasn't, that's the answer. I wasn't thinking, all of my rationality went out of the window with his touch, the heat of his body, those broken eyes that looked into my soul and made me feel things I have never felt before. He made my body feel things no other man had come close to, whatever he had, I wanted it. It felt so right to be in that moment with him, although my head was screaming no. His presence alone is enough to get me on edge, but having him hovering over me like that, our bodies touching, his kiss- that kiss that reached levels I haven't ever experienced before, it made me weak. Weak for him and only him.
I haul myself up from the floor, still in shock about everything. He was nice to me for once, we weren't fighting, and now I've left him in there all confused, with no explanation. I shouldn't have been so abrupt with him, he'll never be nice to me again. That was a moment of madness, I shouldn't have allowed things to get that far. Fuck.
I reach for the door handle and open it in a hurry, realising that he is probably very confused, I need to speak to him, tell him I'm sorry. It can't happen, I'm sorry I let the situation get that far.
"Louis?" I call out unevenly , sounding more than concerned when he isn't in sight.
"Louis, are you here?" I stutter. "Can we talk?"
The silence makes my heart hurt as I realise the sad truth, he's gone. He's gone and I haven't even had the chance to explain. I don't want him to think I was running from him, not out of any fault of his own. It was nice to see a different side to him, a better side. Not the cold and unfeeling side that I knew so well before this.
My thoughts turn to his injuries, that fight, and I feel a pang of pain in my chest as images of his bloodied face enter my mind once again. He was hurt and I didn't like it, that must mean something, right? I felt something. Compassion of some sort, how can that be? After all of the hatred between us, I actually felt for him, I wanted to shelter him, to be close. Most of all, I wanted him to let me, allow me to care for him and help him heal. I wanted him to let me do that and eventually , he did. He finally let me in, a glimpse, and what did I do? I ran from him
Days pass by so slowly without a word from Louis and I am left to wonder about where he is and when I will next see him. I realise that I should probably be focusing my efforts on Maison yet my mind is not with him whatsoever. He is always so kind to me and I do feel bad for leaving him so suddenly after he treated me to a nice evening. He has been slightly distant during this week at work and hasn't seemed to push me as much as he normally would, maybe he thinks that I'm not interested , I hope not. He is the much more appropriate option, he is also very smart, charming and sweet. Louis and him are polar opposites. Nothing can happen between Louis and I anyway, it was a mistake and shouldn't have happened.
Maison left the room a while ago to go and find a colleague and meanwhile I am supposed to be editing a piece of writing for a horror novel that the company are publishing. My thoughts have been with Louis since that night and I cannot concentrate for more than five minutes without thinking back to it. I continue to push through the agonising task of editing when really all I want to do is be writing my own stuff, being creative and expressing myself through the wonder of words- the best way I know. Not this. I am snapped out of my thoughts when I notice Peter pass through the corridor, his expensive shoes heavy on the carpet. I haven't seen him recently, he has been in a lot of meetings and working away for business, maybe he could shed some light on the Louis situation.
