idek. but this chapters a lot longer than the others. sorry. c;
The breeze was gone. I could feel nothing but pain, because of my cheek, and
the heat that poured over me.
I wasn't sure if it was because it was so humid in the
woods or because of how much I was stressing and freaking out.
I kept wondering what would happen if my mother found me.
I decided that she wouldn't know I was gone for at least another few hours. That's usually when she'd wake up for the second time. She would get up, go to work come home, drink and do whatever. Then usually, pass back out on the couch. But even then, im not sure she would do something about it. She'd be too drunk or simply wouldn't care. She did work. But at a small liquor place down the street. Obviously..
I payed for my phone and all of my stuff, while my mother could barely pay rent. It had been bugging me for a while. The fact that we could lose our house someday. So if i was hungry, I had to go buy my own food and drinks.
I was also freaking out over Syrun. I don't really know why. I just felt so bad for leaving him like that. He seemed sad, and I didn't want to be the cause of that. He has too much to worry about already. He's literally the only person who cares about me, and I was basically ruining it. I didn't think he'd be angry with me. Because he knows about my mom and everything. But it's not like he'd be exactly thrilled, either. It wasn't a mistake, though; leaving. I just didn't want him to miss me that much. I'd of course still keep in contact with him but I feel like it would be different. I wanted to start a new life.
The only good thing I had going for me, as of then, was my job. School wasn't a big deal, I had what? Two weeks until graduation? It wasn't much of a job, it payed good for an eighteen year old I guess, but all I did was work at an old grocery store that pretty much everyone in my neighborhood or around there still used. Literally, the only people who went there often. So I knew everyone. I didn't really want to work there anymore. The fact that my mom knows where I work, and knowing that she could come 'visit' me anytime she wanted, scared me I guessed.
I was overwhelemed with my thoughts, and very very warm. I needed water. I was almost out onto the streets and there was a gas station further down the road I could go to.
I didn't have much money, but I had enough if I was careful to feed myself for a while. Hopefully I would still be able to go to work, definetley not school, but work only until I could find a different job. I had to. But finding somewhere to stay was more important then, anyways.
I also told Syrun I'd call him soon. I didn't check the time before I left, but it
felt like I've been here for years. He's probably worried, knowing Syrun.
I took my phone out of one of the pockets from my bag not
interested in the time anymore, and dialed Syrun's phone
number.
No answer.
Syrun usually never misses one of my calls. He's probably just busy. when we were not together, He would do something else to keep himself busy. Whether it was hanging out with his little brother, other friends, or really anything he could think of. Syrun wasn't the 'most popular' kid in school, but he definetely did have more friends than I did.
"It's to keep me from overthinking, I guess." He told me over the phone once
.
But I couldn't help worrying. Syrun's my bestfriend. Had been since I moved there.
He knows everything. About my mother and how she came to be who she is, about my fathers death not very long ago, about my little brother Chord.
I miss my Dad more than anything. I was never really close to anybody, I'm still not,
but I preferred my dad over my mom. Even before she started losing it, i personally liked my
dad more.I think it was because he actually showed me he cared about me. And tried constantly to get me to open up to him. He died in a plane crash, and there wasn't any way I could've balmed it on myself because I had no control over the plane, which took me a while to accept.
I really wished I would've opened up to him. But, My mom wasn't a bad mom.. she just didn't care and you could hear it in her voice, in her face every time she spoke or looked at me. I think she was more 'kind' when she was younger, when my mom and dad first met. Or else, I don't know what he saw in her to be honest. After he died, I took it hard. Very hard. Not as hard as my mother, because obviously I didn't resort to drinking, drugs and other crap, but literally half of my heart was gone. I miss Chord, too. He was really all I had left. He was killed in a car wreck with a couple of his friends. It happenned last year when he was only fifteen, leaving me to be in eleventh grade.
For about 2 and a half weeks, I refused to come out of my room. I would sit there and cry for most of the days I was in there, hating myself for letting him go. It was my fault for letting him go out. My mother was gone that night, out partying or doing whatever she does, and I told him to be back soon. But he never did. He never came back.
Mother never forced me to come out, at first she tried to get me to go to school by raging at me, which I had ignored at the time, and never did go. Syrun tried. Some days, he'd even sit in my room with me and comfort me.He would always tell me it wasnt my fault. Of course, I didn't belive him.I basically killed my little brother, and I'll never forgive my self.
But eventually i realised that I had to get up and go. I had things to do; work that had to be done. I couldn't try to turn them in online and simply not do the rest. My grades were dropping bad. I managed to get them back up after a while, it took a long time. So, I worked my ass off and did it.
Mom never gave a shit about anybody after dad, so when Chord died, she pretended to care for a while, then after his funeral, gave up and started hitting me again. She did stop for a while to 'mourn', but that didn't last long. Which obviously only made it worse for me, but I think that was her favorite part. Hell, it still is. But I'm gone now, so I dont have to deal with that crap anymore.
Personally, I think that once my mom realizes I'm gone, she'll act as if I was never there. It'll be easier for her. She won't have to have anybody around anymore. She could bring home any guy she wanted knowing, I just wasn't there and I wasn't coming back. Maybe she even wanted me to leave this whole time. Maybe that's why she was so cruel towards me. She was cruel to Chord, too. But never laid a finger on him.
Finally, I was out of the woods and headed to the gas station.
I walked in once I got there and filled up a cup with water and ice.. Pulling a dollar and some change from my pocket, I brought it up to the counter and set the money and drink onto the counter.
"Is that all?" The cashier asked me.
I opened my mouth to speak, but all I could do was nod. She smiled and handed me some change.
I quickly took it and my drink rushing out of the small building without a word.
'My love for you was bulletproof, but youre the one who shot me. And god dammit, I can barely
see your name.." My phone sang to me indicating I had a phone call.
I took my phone from my pocket and picked it up.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Storm!" Vincent, Syrun's little brother's voice boomed through the phone.
"Vincent? What's.. up?" I asked awkwardly, sipping water from my straw.
"Storm. Syruns gone." Vincent said a little quieter into the phone. His voice cracked
towards the end of his sentence and his words contained
of fear, and fear only.
