Lush Life (Tradley au)

Chapter 17- Tristan's POV

I'm feeling so guilty about what I said to Brad. I didn't mean to- I was angry, and I have a horrible tendency to say things I don't mean when I'm in the midst of an argument with someone. The worst part was how heartbroken Brad looked when I said it. He immediately started crying, and as soon as I tried to apologise, he told me to fuck off (and I don't blame him). I ran out crying and it felt like I didn't stop for ages. I just sat on my bedroom floor bawling my eyes out until my heart felt numb. 

I've been sad and have had crying fits before, but never on that level. I think it was made worse by the fact that I feel so guilty. To be honest, that's how I deserve to feel, as I totally betrayed Brad's trust. No one else, not even his childhood best friend James, knew how Josh treated him. Then he trusted me enough to open up to me about it, and I then broke his heart. 

I think I'm also angry at myself because secretly, I'd love for me and Brad to be more than just friends. I don't know if that could ever happen, but now I've ruined the chances before  it was even a possibility. I feel my eyes fill with tears at the thought that Brad could be sitting on his bedroom floor crying as well, though realistically I know that that isn't likely as he has more friends than I do and could easily just call James or Connor or someone. That's another reason I feel so sorry for myself- Brad has people to look after him, but he's the best friend I've ever had and now I have no one to check if I'm ok.

My mum's at work, and I can't face calling her. If she asks later, which she probably will as it's always obvious when I've been crying and she has a sixth sense for when something's wrong, I'll probably just tell her that I had a fight with Brad, as selfishly I'm too ashamed to go into detail. My mum often promises me that everything will be ok, probably even if my head was falling off or something. But I hope that this will turn out alright. 

I don't want to lose the relationship I have with Brad- he's my best friend, but there's something about him that makes me always feel happy and excited and have butterflies in my stomach. No one else makes me feel the way he does, but God only knows if he feels the same way. I've tried flirting with him a few times, but there's never been a response. Suddenly, I'm cut out of my dream about me and Brad by the sound of a key in a lock as my mum lets herself in.

"Hi honey!" she calls up the stairs. 

"Hi mum!" I shout back, trying to make myself sound ok and like I haven't been crying for the past few hours. After s few minutes, she comes upstairs into my room. 

She sits down next to me on my bed and puts an arm around my shoulders. "Are you ok?" she asks. "You seem very quiet."

"No." I say, trying but failing to hold back tears. Thankfully, I don't have that many tears left, so I don't embarrass myself any further by crying for a long time. 

My mum reaches out to brush my hair out of my face. "So, what happened?" she asks caringly.

I take a shaky breath. "I had a fight with Brad and I said something really awful which I didn't mean. But it made him cry and he told me to go away." My voice cracks slightly, but I continue. "He trusted me and I hurt him. I don't know if he'll forgive me."

"Oh baby." my mum says, rubbing my back sympathetically. "I think you're being very mature in admitting that you're in the wrong. I know a lot of adults that can't do that. And what happened doesn't sound good, but you're best friends. You'll sort it out."

"You don't get it." I say tearfully. "It was really awful, what I said."

"I'm sure it was." my mum agrees. "But I'm sure Brad understands that you didn't mean it."

I shake my head, but I'm too tired to argue. "Can I have some space for a bit?" I ask.

She nods. "Of course. I'm downstairs if you need me." As she leaves, I curl up into a ball, feeling both hopeful about that future but guilty about the past.

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Hopefully this made Tristan seem like slightly less of a douchebag, I have no idea about the plot line for this story, I'm sort of making it up as I go along 😂 But it will probably be longer than my bronnor story, maybe like 30 chapters?

I got new red high top converse the other day, they're so lovely. Speaking of red, it's 4 years today (13th August) since we are never ever getting back together was released 😭 I was 12. Even if you think you don't like Taylor (and anyone who's read my bronnor story will know how much of a fan I am), go and give red a listen- you won't regret it, I promise 😉