Imaginary |Lashton AU|

Not Even Real

I wake up screaming and sweating, as usual. I clutch the sides of my head as the voices ring and repeat in my brain.

Ugly fag
Just die, No one cares
You have no friends cause no one loves you
You're too fat to be loved
You don't deserve people to care

I shook my head, sobbing and mumbling. "Shut up, shut up. Please just shut up" I cried and pleaded. Eventually, I became aware of my surroundings and the voices stopped, leaving me in  a whimpering ball on my bed.

3:36 am

As usual, I hopped in the shower, rinsing my body down and  leaning it, before stepping out of the shower. I heard my phone buzzing, so I picked it up to see who was calling

"Unknown number"

I answer anyways

"Hello?"
"Ashton"
"Dad?"
"Hey son, how ya b-been"

He was drunk. My dad left years ago for business; said it was a great opportunity. Then my mom found out he had a girlfriend and kids where his business had taken him, leaving their marriage broken.

"Dad, go to sleep and sober up. Stop calling me, don't call mum. You chose your new grielfirend and new kids over us, we don't need you anymroe" I was so angry

"Ashton it's not like that. Sarah is just so beaufoful and fun. Our  daughter Ashley and our son Anthony are just incredible."

"Well I'm aorry I was a disappointment" I mumbled.

"Maybe if you actually made some friends; maybe if your mother didn't always worry; maybe if harry and Lauren grew the fuck up; we could have been a family"

"Go to hell" I said through clenched teeth. I hung up my phone as tears fell down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them, walking back into my bathroom to shave the little stubble I have. I picked up the razor and started shaving, and once I finished, I start rinsing it. As I was rinsing the razor off, my hands got slippery and I ended up dropping it.

It fell on the floor, Breaking into  a few pieces. The blade, the handle and the part that holds the blade. I quickly picked everything up and placed it on the counter. As I did, the blade gently ran across my thumb, making it pickle with a little blood.

A normal person would have rinsed t off and stopped the bleeding. Buy I jist stared at the blood. So red and pure, filled with little cells that I'm sure are all friends.

I didn't even care about the slight sting that came with the blood, all I knew was I liked seeing blood. Sometimes it's nice to know you're alive when you don't feel much.

I knew this was stupid, but I picked the razor up from the floor and stared at it before running it across my wrist, making blood peek out from my body. I nodded at the sight. Slowly, I ran it over my wrists again
And again
And again.

Until my 2 wrists had about 15 marks each, all with blood poking out. I looked down at my arms.

I'm alive

I pick up my phone yo check the time

5:58 am

I walked out of the bathroom, rummaging through my drawers before deciding on black skinnies, a blink 182 shirt, and black converse. I put on all my clothes before staring down at my arms.

Can't have people seeing that now, can we?

I grab a sweater and put it over my body, clutching the ends of the sleeves. As usual, someone knocked on my door.