About Sophie

If I Lose Myself Tonight

I never realized how much tears I could cry in one sitting until now. I didn't cry even half this much when I found out I was pregnant. But now, here in his arms, it felt like the right time and place to let go of all my worries and pain because he was here to hold me to keep me from breaking. Hearing his promises gave me hope that eventually, we would be a family.

"Maine?" He whispered a few minutes later. He straightened his legs on the floor and his back against the foot of my bed, making himself comfortable. He wrapped his right arm around my shoulder tighter, planted a kiss on my temple, then took my right hand to let it rest on his chest and held it there, while I nestled my head deeper in the crook of his neck.

"Hmmm?" I closed my eyes. It had been years since the last time I felt this kind of bliss.

"I want to know what happened when you left. You don't have to tell me now, but I am hoping you'll tell me everything when you're ready." I felt his whole body tense slightly then he let out a sigh.

"Well, that's two years of my life. Baka abutin tayo ng umaga dito. Medyo masakit na yung pwet ko dito sa carpet." He laughed quietly, planting another kiss on my head.

"Then let's move sa bed," he said while unwrapping himself from me, with a smirk I remember so well.

"Hey. I know that smirk. Wag kang maharot. We still have a lot to talk about," I said, glaring at him.

"Huuuy! I didn't say anything. I just said let's move sa bed because you said na masakit na yang pwet mo dito sa floor," he said defensively.

"Sus. Fine," I stood up, climbed and crawled on my bed. Once I reached the headboard, I fixed the pillows against it and leaned on them. He just stood there watching me at the foot of the bed, so I patted the spot next to me, motioning him to join me. Instead of crawling over like I did, he walked around the bed, then slowly sat. It was weird.

"Why are you being weird?"

"I'm just trying to keep my hands to myself. The bed is a dangerous territory, if you know what I mean," he said, crossing his arms across his chest, making his biceps swell against Kuya Nico's shirt, and my mouth involuntarily watered. I swallowed the invisible lump in my throat and moved my gaze to my daughter's crib. There you go. Sophie should keep me focused. But then I guess he couldn't help it, because a few seconds later, I felt his arm around me again. I deliberately moved my gaze to his hand on my shoulder and then to his face and raised an eyebrow.

"What? I can't help it. My hand has a life of its own!" He said with a laugh. I just shook my head smiling.

"So... what do you want to know?"

"Are you sure you're ready to tell me?"

"Yes. The sooner we talk about this, the sooner we'll be able to move forward."

"Good point. Okay, let's start with what happened when you left and why."

Okay.. he asked for this. Here we go.

"Hmmm, okay. How about we start with right before I left? Please promise you won't get mad at me."

"Okay... you're scaring me. But okay, I promise," he said and raised his free hand to swear.

"Okay. I just want to be completely honest with you now, and you'll do the same later." I took a deep breath, then proceeded.

"I heard you... that morning. You thought I was asleep."

"What do you mean?"

"After our uhm... morning round, remember? We had agreed to take a quick nap and then go to brunch so we can know more about each other, even though we already talked each other's ear off almost the entire night. It was the only reason I agreed to go with you to your hotel, by the way, because I thought and felt that I knew you already, like we've known each other for a long time. But anyway, so that morning, I guess you thought I was asleep when you started talking. You got too serious, so I got scared to open my eyes and just pretended to be asleep."