The Medicine Cat Code

Chapter Twenty-Two

Heatherfeather watched Salmonflop pad back into RiverClan territory with wide eyes. She swallowed slightly, spinning back around and limping in the direction of camp. "I wonder where Sandyfur is," she mused, wishing she had a cat to talk to, so the time until tomorrow would pass faster. "Meh. He's probably off flirting with every cat on the planet."

Her words echoed throughout the WindClan camp, and a pregnant queen gasped.

"Handyburr is cheating on me?" the queen, a she-cat named Ambersparklesunshine, gasped, collapsing onto the floor and sobbing loudly. Harebrain rolled his eyes as his mentor, who just walked around the she-cat.

"Who named a cat 'Handyburr'?" Heatherfeather asked her apprentice as she shouldered past him, padding into the medicine den and snatching up a few leaves of catmint. She swallowed them quickly, letting out a sigh of relief before settling into her nest.

"You shouldn't be questioning the naming skills of our leader," Harebrain meowed, rolling his eyes sassily. "You did name me Harebrain. . . " Heatherfeather tilted her head to the side, thinking over his point, before silently nodding in agreement. "So, how did your meeting with Salmonflop go?"

Her head snapped toward him, gaze lit with fury. "How do you know about that?" she spat, the fur along her spine rising up.

Harebrain rolled his eyes. "You were shouting it in your sleep, so every cat heard it. Well, every cat in camp who was awake heard it, so Ambersparklesunshine, Greenineedalifeandsomemediciationnoreallyhelpmepaw, and I think the elder Grayhelpcloudtailgrandmashastakenmecaptiveandimlockedintheirbasementfeather were all gossiping. They only told the other queens and maybe an apprentice or two -- I think Yarrowireallylikemakinglongnamesandthisoneisgoingtobethelongestofthelongnamesthatriohasmadesofarpaw spread the rumor to the warrior's den, then I emailed Kaletail and Brightpaw and told them about it, so now the entire forest knows."

"So you spread all these rumors yourself?" Heatherfeather asked with a sigh.

"Pretty much," Harebrain confirmed, and he rolled his eyes for a good measure.

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Ripplestripe gasped as she looked at her iPhone 1841024 Ultra Mega Gigantic Screen You Won't Believe How Wide The Home Button Is Plus. "How dare Heatherfeather date my precious Salmonflop?" the she-cat whispered, staring at the click-bait article published by The Forest Minutely. Most surprisingly, the 'related' section already had several other articles that lead to Ripplestripe's reaction, a cover of the upcoming fight, and a speculation article. The Forest Minutely had the tendency to use their time travel powers and post articles about things that didn't happen.

An idea popped into the medicine cat's head. "What if I read about the fight, then learn my opponent's strategies and beat the mousedung out of them!" she meowed to herself, a grin spreading across her face.

Troutpaw was staring at his own  iPhone 1841024 Ultra Mega Gigantic Screen You Won't Believe How Wide The Home Button Is Minus (because your phone is so big that its digits go into the negatives). "Jeez, Salmonflop is a jerk," he meowed before switching back to his camera views of Frogfur. On screen, the tom was snoring, and the medicine cat apprentice sighed lovingly.

"Hey, my secret strategy!" Ripplestripe hissed, batting the phone out of Troutpaw's grip. The apprentice let out a squeal of panic, chasing his device as it tumbled out of the den. 

"No, what if he wakes up!" The alarmed yowl echoed back into the den. "I need to see my precious when he wakes up! Did you break my phone?" Troutpaw re-entered the medicine cat den, sobbing as he held his drenched electronic. Electricity buzzed out of it, coursing through the tom's body and singing the fur of his legs. "You're so mean!"

"Good," Ripplestripe muttered, giving the apprentice a good kick. He slumped to the ground, dropping his phone. "Now stay down there."

Troutpaw obeyed, knowing that the older she-cat would not be afraid to murder him. He tried to restart his phone from his position on the ground, but it just gave him a mild shock. The electricity made his legs lurch upward, pushing him into a standing position. Ripplestripe gasped, then drop-kicked him down ShadowClan. He flew through the air with an eerie smile as he started to fall into the middle of the Clan camp.

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Frogfur was meandering across the clearing, his belly swinging to and fro, when he was crushed by a flying cat. "Touchdown!" came a muffled reply from above, and dizzily, the ThunderClan cat rolled off of the ShadowClan one.

Troutpaw fainted upon seeing his master. He was still clutching the iPhone, and the screen was frozen on the camera's view of Frogfur sleeping in his den. Weirded out, the ShadowClan tom pulled the phone away and threw it into Troutpaw's face, making the younger cat moan with pain.

"Get away from me," Frogfur sighed as the RiverClan medicine cat apprentice stood up woozily, vision too blurred to realize he was standing just a few paw-steps away from the Great And Amazing Frogfur.

"Who are you?" slurred Troutpaw, trying to stumble toward him. "Can I go cuddle with Frogfur?"

"Um, no."

⌁ Weirdest chapter brought to you by Rio. ⌁