The Medicine Cat Code

Chapter Twenty-Three

Frogfur hissed, finding himself captive in a place he didn't recognise. Though he knew RiverClan was a place of pure horrors, the dead rats hung on the walls and the scattered corpses hinted that perhaps he might be somewhere other than his fish-bone museum of a home.

"So the ShadowClan cliche really is true, huh," he muttered.

"What did you say about my Clan?"

Frogfur glanced up to see a sleek black ShadowClan tom with piercing yellow eyes and torn ears. Behind him lied his Clan, a selection of 69 other black cats with yellow eyes. He swooned, he was so unique.

"I said, what did you say a lot the almighty ShadowClan?"

"Oh, nothing important," he sighed, smitten. "Only that the toms are handsome."

He raised a non-existent eyebrow. "You think so?"

Frogfur nodded. "You cats are all so muscular and unique, you must have fabulous genetics."

"The same genetics," he corrected him.

"Huh?"

"We all come from the same cats, duh," he grunted. "Incest is totally the way forward."

Frogfur backed away slowly, mildly horrified. The tom saw this and grew upset.

"Wait! I'm sorry, I'm not very good with conversation," he apologised.

He narrowed his eyes. "Considering I just met you and the first thing you thought to tell me was your mortifying ancestry, I don't really need you to confirm that for me."

The tom rolled his eyes. "My name is Blackasthedayislonginanonracistway, what's yours?"

Frogfur swooned once again, such a perfect name. "Frogfur, but you can call me Frogfur."

"Right... I don't think I'll forget that nickname in a hurry..." he mewed awkwardly. "But listen, I really like you, I'll let you go home if you promise to see me again."

Frogfur gulped, a little worried. "Isn't that against the code?"

Blackicbatowriteitagain grumbled. "Half of our Clans are dating, there are rogues dancing in and out, we have no integrity and mate with everyone, and you're worried about the code?"

Frogfur sighed, defeated. "Good point, I'll see you tomorrow."

Just as Blackoutdrunk was about to let him go, Troutpaw stirred. He winced as the apprentice groaned, laying eyes on him and immediately gasping.

"Frogfur, my love!" he breathed, stumbling to his paws and fixing his fur.

Blackbirdsarelamelmao gasped in shock. "THERE'S SOMEONE ELSE?!"

"No! No! He's just delusional, thinks I'm a cat called... Frostbutt, yeah."

Troutpaw dashed out of the den, returning with a bunch of roses.

"Frogfur! I, uh, I... Ahh, I can't I'm sorry I'm so nervous it's justthatiloveyousomuchand-."

Frogfur slapped his tail over his mouth. "Ignore him, now how about letting us go?"

Blackeryisbest grumbled. "Not so fast, have you been cheating on me?"

Frogfur let his tail drop.

"ididntknowhowtotellyouihopeyoufeelthesameFROGFURWILLYOUMARRYME?!"

Troutpaw shuffled his paws bashfully as Frogfur winced. Blackmarksthespot stood by the entrance to the den, angered.

"Listen, Frogfur, we need to talk."

Troutpaw nudged him. "He can be the maid of honour if you want."

///

BREAKING NEWS

In a recent event inside the depths of [hell] RiverClan camp, a declaration of annoyance and mild irritation has just been made by ASMR sensation Heatherfeather! After a recent scrap with fellow Clanmate Ripplestripe over an old friend, the great and mighty Salmonflop, the rhyming named she-cat has made a claim that the deed must be sorted with a fight! Indeed, a fight! A fight of intelligence, skill and instinct. A fight of choosing and battling. A fight trademarked by Pokemon. A fight so huge that-

Ripplestripe had had enough. She threw the article to the ground and stomped on it, determination in her blood.

"It's time," she growled. "It's time to launch something drastic."

Slipping on her pink headband, pink ankle warmers, pink tail warmer, pink water bottle with a pink box of supportive quotes, she escaped the depths of [hell] RiverClan and hurried down to her secret weapon- HELLO UNFIT YOUNGLINGS, WELCOME TO- wait, what? I'm trying to narrate here! RIPPLESTRIPE'S GYM MENTALITY VIDEO!

Oh my goodness... No... I'm outta here Ripplestripe do what you want I can't

*narrator leaves in disgust*

Hello unfit kits! My name is Ripplestripe and welcome to my fantabulous gym mentality video! In this extract, I'm going to be teaching YOU, yes YOU, how to [defeat your enemies] get the most out of your gym experience! But to do that, I'm gonna need a gym...

THE CLOUDTAIL GYMMAS

Yes, that'll do

First, treadmill! Pace yourself, take it slowly, keep a steady [grasp on the knife as you slaughter Heatherfeather] rhythm in your stepping, and don't be afraid to [shed blood] push yourself! You'll be outrunning your [opponents as you chase them with explosives] gym friends in no time!

That was... RUNNING AWAY FROM RESPONSIBILITY WITH RIPPLESTRIPE

This is...

Next my little gymions, it's time for cycling! Make sure the saddle is at optimum height so [you have a good area exposed to lunge at] you can put in the most amount of work! Start with a [sharp blade] decent pace, before working up to the [final kill] big finish of a stiff, long ride! You'll be [wiping the smile off of Heatherfeather's face] biking like a pro in no time!

That was... RECYCLING OLD TRICKS WITH RIPPLESTRIPE

This is...

Finally, we have weights! Make sure you do some stretches to [maximise drop kicking technique] limber, and then you're ready for weights! Start with a small weight, maybe a 1K or 2K weight, and lift that [traitor] heavy item! AND A ONE, AND A TWO, AND A KILL HEATHERFEATHER AND A FOUR

"Hey, what's that cat doing in here?"

AND A ONE, AND A- excuse you?

"Get it out of here, down to the pound!"

Uh oh...

~Written by *Ripplestripe* Hazel lol~